IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

universites should accept equal number of male and female in every subject ? at what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern era, some people believe that education centres should have the same capacity for both genders. With all respect to
this
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 standpoint and its benefits, I don't agree with it and I think better
students
Use synonyms
, either male or female, should enter the
university
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 and I'm going to explain my reasons.
To begin
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 with, some groups of society think that the competition between
students
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souldn't
Correct your spelling
couldn't
shouldn't
get
Verb problem
be
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 restricted just between
students
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with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same gender.
Firstly
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, in some fields, boys may be better than girls or vice versa. So, because of the limits, qualified
students
Use synonyms
 may fall behind the others just because of their sexuality and someone with less capability enter the college.
Secondly
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, some majors like
orthopedic
Replace the word
orthopaedics
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, require more body abilities which makes
the
Correct your spelling
them
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 more suitable for men rather than women or in other majors, females could have the edge over males.
Therefore
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, limiting the arrival of each male or female can lead to destroying
dreams
Correct article usage
the dreams
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 of some
students
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.
Thirdly
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, after
university
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, there will be no separation between genders and
students
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 should learn to compete with everybody which helps them to have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 problems
to take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 a job.
On the other hand
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, advocates of gender separation for entering the
university
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 tout its
advantges
Correct your spelling
advantages
. Girls and boys have different body conditions and different
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and emotions.
Hence
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,
with
Change preposition
by
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 accepting equal
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, universities can contribute to
reach
Change the verb form
reaching
show examples
 equality in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. In
adition
Correct your spelling
addition
, having a diversity of humans in the
university
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 can help teenagers to get more familiar with the environment of society and be more open-minded about people.
Thus
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, they can become friends with a variety of individuals and be more happy.
For example
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, racism is a big problem in some nations and can be solved by equality in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education centres and
teaching
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by teaching
show examples
 children to be kind
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all humans.
To conclude
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, the equality of
acceptaion
Correct your spelling
acceptance
 of both genders has some critics and advocates. I think
with
Change preposition
that by
show examples
 separating the competition between
students
Use synonyms
, they can't be prepared for the real work environment and will have more problems with adapting to that new situation after finishing
university
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, you provided a clear position throughout the response and addressed all parts of the task, which is commendable. However, the examples used were somewhat generic and did not bolster your argument significantly. To enhance your score, provide more specific and detailed examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay displays an adequate logical structure with clear paragraphs, but transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the conclusion could be stronger. Improve coherence and cohesion by better connecting your ideas with a varied range of cohesive devices and a more conclusive summary that reinforces your main point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • meritocracy
  • diversity
  • underrepresentation
  • quotas
  • academic discipline
  • learning environment
  • societal roles
  • STEM fields
  • initiatives
  • negative consequences
  • admissions
  • equal opportunities
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