IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In today's world people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone
In recent years, many citizens have had their own smartphones, which caused an argument
due to
 their usage.
This
 writer believes that the benefits of searching for information and forming relationships between
people
 outweigh the disadvantages relating to health. First of all, owning a
smartphone
 can aid
people
, especially students, in finding information and knowledge.
Due to
 its finding speed and vast data, students will be able to select the necessary statistics
as well as
 search for related subjects without wasting time.
Instead
 of looking up dictionaries, books and documents,
people
 only need to get their phones and type their subjects on the search bar.
As a result
,
this
 method will help
people
 to save their time and energy in order to complete tasks faster. Another benefit of owning a
smartphone
 is the connection between users and communities. Having a
smartphone
, individuals can keep in touch with their families and acquaintances, even though they are in different areas, even in other countries.
In addition
,
people
 can make new friends all over the world only by using their phones. Taking Zalo as an example, it helps members of a family to connect to each other despite being far away.
However
, many individuals argue that using a
smartphone
 can lead to numerous problems,
such
 as weakened immunity and anxiety.
This
 statement can be true, but only if
people
 spend lots of time on their phones. For those who only use them if necessary, those gadgets will be a great support for their work and lives. Taking all into consideration, the benefits of owning a
smartphone
 outweigh the disadvantages of health problems because of its vast sources of information and connection.
Hence
,
people
 should take advantage of smartphones as much as possible, but not overuse them.

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task achievement
Clarify the position in the introduction by directly addressing the topic. State if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages without ambiguity.
task achievement
Develop arguments with specific examples. Your essay has general statements but lacks concrete, illustrative examples that add depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with examples and explanations to support it. Each paragraph should contribute to your overall position.
coherence and cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to aid with the essay's structure and flow. The logical sequencing of ideas is fine; however, more variety in cohesive devices can lead to a higher band.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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