IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree of disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays the
food
Use synonyms
 and drink being consumed contain too much sugar which leads to multiple health issues. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that we should increase the price of sugary
items
Use synonyms
 to help
people
Use synonyms
 eat less sugar. I agree to some extent with the statement. Increasing the price of sugary
items
Use synonyms
 discourages
people
Use synonyms
 from buying them.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the current climate where
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend money on products that are cost-effective and cost-saving.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the UK,
due to
Linking Words
 current austerity measures,
people
Use synonyms
 are increasingly choosing to spend money on
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 that are cheaper rather than expensive. If sugary products are made more expensive,
people
Use synonyms
 will be naturally discouraged from buying them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, introducing high prices for sugary goods will
also
Linking Words
 reduce the multiple health problems associated with their consumption.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that they will not be stopped from buying unhealthy snacks
due to
Linking Words
 their freedom and free will.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 would continue to buy the
items
Use synonyms
 even though they have been made expensive. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, Scandinavian countries
such
Linking Words
 as Norway, Sweden, Iceland and Denmark abandoned policies to increase the prices of sugary products
due to
Linking Words
 lack of acceptance from their citizens.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they argued that they would continue to buy unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and beverages because their freedom to choose is paramount.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that
food
Use synonyms
 and beverages that contain high levels of sugar should be increased, but
people
Use synonyms
’s freedom and choices should be taken into consideration.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task prompt and maintains focus throughout. However, ensure that all main points are fully supported with detailed examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure and is easy to follow, improving the linking between ideas in some paragraphs will enhance coherence. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices will add depth to your writing.
task achievement
Consider expanding on counterarguments and balancing them with your own views more precisely to provide a fuller response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a well-structured essay with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs, which makes it easier to understand your argument.
task achievement
Your use of real-world examples, such as the example from Scandinavian countries, adds credibility to your argument and engages the reader.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: