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Writing Samples
Band 7

These days, many people will stay home to watch a live performance (for example, a sports match or a concert) because they can see everything on a TV or computer screen. To what extent you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 love to watch their favourite shows and events without going to the actual place
instead
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 they enjoy them through video broadcastings using their handheld devices. I completely agree with
this
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 and think that it saves our
time
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 and money. On the one hand, there are a lot of sources available to which we have easy access.
In other words
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, there are different social media sites and TV channels from where we can watch live performances of our favourite games, interviews, news, and so on.
For instance
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, if there is an international football match going on in another country and even if we are not able to afford expenses or do not have enough
time
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 to be there
then
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 we can watch them live on TV and other sources. That's why
people
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 prefer to enjoy different events on their devices.
On the other hand
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, as
people
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 have easy access to the internet their screen
time
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 is increasing day by day. They possibly could watch whatever they want on their laptops, tablets, mobile phones and so on.
For example
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, even if we miss the live performance of our favourite artist
then
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 there is nothing to worry about because it is easily found on YouTube.
Thus
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,
people
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 have an alternative even if they miss out and can watch anything more than once.
To conclude
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,
instead
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 of being self-present in a venue, we can watch them on our smart devices which not only saves
time
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 but
also
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 hard-earned money and can even watch multiple times.

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task achievement
Ensure you develop your main points with specific examples. The essay lacks depth in the exploration of the topic; you should expand on the main ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs together more effectively. Avoid repetition of phrases and work on using a greater variety of linking words and transitions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • live performance
  • viewing experience
  • high-definition (HD)
  • cost-effective
  • convenience
  • multiple camera angles
  • instant replays
  • accessibility
  • inclusiveness
  • social experience
  • viewing party
  • safety and security
  • large crowds
  • overpriced
  • comfort of your own space
  • travel expenses
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