IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You have recently visited a tourist attraction and are very pleased by the help given to you by the staff. Write a letter to the staff manager. Give details of your visit Describe how the staff helped you What you want the manager to do

#tourist #attraction #help #staff #manager #visit
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Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Tajinder Singh, a businessman from Brampton. I am writing
this
 letter regarding the help that I received during my
last
 trip to a famous historic building in your city.
Firstly
, I travel regularly to
this
 town to meet my clients, but I got a chance to explore
this
 city during my
last
 visit when I had enough free time to see all the tourist attractions of
this
 area on January 2, 2024.
However
, most people do not use English as their first language. So, I found it very difficult to read the history of a building that I visited on that day. Fortunately, One of the staff members was available there and helped me by translating and explaining everything. I would like to thank you for guiding me.
In addition
, I want to suggest that that place requires more staff who can translate because many visitors are not acquainted with the native language. I really appreciate your assistance during my trip. Yours sincerely, Tajinder Singh
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

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coherence cohesion
Your letter is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which has aided in achieving a strong coherence and cohesion. To enhance it further, consider linking your ideas more explicitly using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions or discourse markers.
task achievement
You've addressed all parts of the task with relevant details about your visit, the assistance received, and what you hope the manager will do, showing a good understanding of the task requirements. To improve, aim to expand on each point with more detail or examples to enhance the completeness of your response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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