IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In today's world many people own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smart phone outweigh te disadvantages?

#world #people #phone #te
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A common trend occurring frequently around the globe in facets of society is folk who are owning themselves a tablet. The writer of
this
 essay believes that despite the addiction to
device
Add an article
the device
a device
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, the benefits offered greatly outweigh any al drawbacks. One of the main beneficial aspects of using preservatives in
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 is how convenient it is you can watch YouTube, search Google, and maps, calculate, and entertain.
For example
, when you are busy and don't want to go out for lunch , you can book GrabFood Uber to deliver very fast. Or shopping online by just clicking the Buy button and you can buy everything you want. Another significant advantage of owning a laptop is it will show everyone that you are a rich person,
high class
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high-class
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 level,
community
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a community
the community
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 who knows about technology. You go outside, and carry on your iPhone 15 Promax just launched in 2024. Many homo sapiens will look at you like an idol. Tech-savvy
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 are using
kindle
Capitalize word
Kindle
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 because of their intelligence and ease of use. Turning forward the negative side of it is the addiction when you play games or watch movies. The blue light will affect your brain and your health. Blowers can be addictive and can lead to a decrease in productivity. society
are
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is
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 blocked from lurking in your private messages. You only have to make sure others don’t know your password by using a unique password. In conclusion, the advantages of owning a camera phone outweigh the disadvantages.
However
, it is important to use them responsibly and in moderation.
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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay adheres to the topic at hand. The frequent change of devices from phones to tablets to laptops within the essay leads to confusion. Stick to one device when discussing the advantages and disadvantages. The prompt asks about smartphones, not tablets or laptops.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing a clear logical structure. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea and the supporting sentences within that paragraph align with the main idea. Avoid introducing new, unrelated ideas into a paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the introduction should more directly address the question prompt and outline the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion should summarise the points made without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Provide more relevant examples that are directly tied to the advantages and disadvantages of owning a smartphone. Avoid off-topic examples, such as mentioning the impression of wealth, which does not squarely address the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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