IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvangtes

#world #people #smartphone #disadvangtes
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It is a pressing issue that in the modern world, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people have ow a mobile
phone
 because it
very
Add a missing verb
is very
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 convenient
to
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for
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 their daily life or have security to serve their job, but some
opinion
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opinions
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said
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say
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 that
it
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it is
it was
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 quite harmful to our eyes,
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 citizens more and more wearing glasses.
Although
 I see potential negative effects from
this
, the benefits still outweigh the disadvantages. The most noticeable benefit
for
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of
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 owning a smartphone was useful. Mobile
phone
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phones
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would
Verb problem
apply
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bring a lot of
assistances
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assistance
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 for us if we
used
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are used
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 correctly, which help people to keep in touch with
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 friends,
family
Correct word choice
and family
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by
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in
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 easy ways and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 save
the
Correct article usage
apply
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memories by taking photos. Specially,
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 tool to research on the Internet, power study
resource
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resources
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 on YouTube or Google,
also
 expand our knowledge to catch up with the latter day. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, everyone can use a
took
Correct your spelling
tool
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like
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apply
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for entertainment education and have more opportunities to access modern life.
For instance
, at the age of 3, my cousin
can
Verb problem
became
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 literate by learning on YouTube.
On the other hand
, it would have
the
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apply
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numerous
detriment
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detriments
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.
Firstly
,
late night
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late-night
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 chats and playing games on your
phone
in
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on
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bright
Correct article usage
a bright
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 screen
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
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to
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in
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 eye issues. Network waves can result in some skin cancers. There is even more if you plan to scrutinize the poor effects of using a smartphone. Among the problems are eye cancer, sleeplessness that induces chronic exhaustion during the day and infertility
due to
 Wi-Fi connectivity.
Thus
, owning a mobile
phone
is
Verb problem
has
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 potential
to
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for
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 residents
over
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all over
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 the world, it would be effective or damaging
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
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 on how we use it.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear introductory paragraph that sets the scope of the essay and a conclusion that summarizes your points effectively. Try to enhance the logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Aim to provide a fully developed response to the prompt with complex ideas and examples. Make sure to address both sides of the argument, weighing the advantages against the disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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