IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In today's world many people own a smartphonem.Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphonem #smartphone
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Presently,
the
Correct article usage
a
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big
Correct word choice
large
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 number of
people
 are using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 and they
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 popularly
with
Change preposition
for
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 a
lot
 of different reasons.
Besides
 that,
people
 know that these days were of
technology
 and
technology
 machines will have a big impact on changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
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.
This
 essay will disagree that many
people
own
Wrong verb form
owning
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 a
smartphone
 in today's world is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 advantage. Suddenly,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 can contribute more advantages and disadvantages but many
people
could
Verb problem
do
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 not know any disadvantages of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 and
using
Wrong verb form
use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 regularly. With the strong development of
technology
,
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
show examples
 has a
lot
 of benefits and helps
people
 easier to solve many problems.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
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 contains a
lot
 of useful functions and
assistants
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assist
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people
 directly.
Although
smartphone
 has a
lot
 of benefits
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
people
 need to
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 usefully.
Smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones
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 can contribute a modern life to
people
 with a
lot
 of advantages and
specially
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especially
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,
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 in touch with someone is the best function of other functions.
Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones
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Smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones
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 can have many apps to get in touch with someone
such
 as
Capitalize word
Messenger
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messenger
Capitalize word
Messenger
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, Instagram, zalo and
people
 can install those apps on
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 to have
Correct article usage
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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good terms with someone.
On the other hand
, some
people
 argue that
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good
technology
 device and
people
 should
use
 it regularly. It will be totally incorrect but it will have a little
true
Replace the word
truth
show examples
 because if
people
use
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 a
lot
, it will affect to health and make
people
 feel lonely. As more as
,
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apply
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Add an article
the smartphone
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
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the eyes with a
lot
 of blue lights and reduce
distance
Correct article usage
the distance
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 of seeing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
. Taking everything into account,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 should spend less time on it with
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
, teenagers and adults because it will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's health directly.
People
 need to know that using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 suitably with a
lot
 of advantages of
this
technology
 devices.
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Structural Organization
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This essay lacks a clear structure and could be improved by distinguishing these sections clearly.
Topic Sentences
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea and ensure that each subsequent sentence relates directly to this idea for better coherence.
Cohesion Devices
Employ a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively and make the essay more readable. This includes using synonyms, pronouns, and transition words appropriately.
Task Fulfillment
Fully address all parts of the task. Both the advantages and disadvantages should be clearly discussed, and a conclusion stating which one outweighs the other should be provided, as per the essay prompt.
Development of Ideas
Provide clear and comprehensive ideas instead of vague statements. Each advantage or disadvantage should be explained thoroughly, with clear and logical reasoning.
Use of Examples
Support your points with relevant, specific examples. This adds weight to your arguments and makes them more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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