Regarding how to be successful, hard work and determination are regarded as an essential route of success,while some individuals contend that factors such as wealth and physical appearance are more influential. This essay will attempt to explain both views and why I believe that the factors are more effective for success.
Regarding how to be successful, hard work and determination are regarded as an essential route to
success
, Use synonyms
while
some individuals contend that factors Linking Words
such
as wealth and physical appearance are more influential. Linking Words
This
essay will attempt to explain both views and why I believe that the factors are more effective for Linking Words
success
.
First of all, some Use synonyms
people
support that humans can develop their lives through striving for income and positions in society. Use synonyms
Subsequently
, they will not only have a high quality of life but Linking Words
also
be regarded as successful men. Linking Words
For example
, over 43% of doctors, who are thought to have an ideal career in Taiwan, grew up in a poor family, but they never gave up and spent a lot of time improving themselves when they were young. Linking Words
Therefore
, they achieve significant accomplishments nowadays. In short, it is useful for Linking Words
people
to work hard and persist.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, sometimes, factors Linking Words
such
as wealth and physical appearance are seen as the most vital points that cause Linking Words
people
’s achievements. Use synonyms
Thus
, Linking Words
people
lose their motivation and energy to pursue Use synonyms
success
. Use synonyms
According to
the report released in the EU in 2022, 69% of teenagers’ attitudes toward their jobs are called quiet-quitting because they think they can not change their situation without excellent talents or a perfect background. In brief, Linking Words
this
attitude of life makes Linking Words
people
passive.
In conclusion, it is controversial between the reasons which are more efficient for Use synonyms
success
. As far as I am concerned, wealth is the most important advantage which leads Use synonyms
people
to become successful, especially in recent years because investing money can recruit mentors, Use synonyms
collect
knowledge more efficiently. Correct word choice
and collect
Hence
, the Linking Words
people
who have a lot of money would have more opportunities to succeed.Use synonyms
Submitted by J.C.Li.1997.11 on
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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear position and addresses the task, you should ensure that your conclusion accurately reflects the position you claimed would be elaborated upon initially. The initial statements suggest you will argue for the benefits of a set of factors over hard work and perseverance, yet your conclusion appears to side with wealth, which is somewhat confusing.
coherence cohesion
You have used a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively. However, occasionally your ideas could be expanded with clearer topic sentences that introduce what the paragraph will discuss, improving the logical flow. Additionally, the strength of your arguments can be further enhanced through the use of more sophisticated linking words and a clearer distinction between the different views presented.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?