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Band 6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
Travelling is a source of relaxation and enjoyment for many
people
. Some say that
people
 will plan a vacation in their home country rather than in a foreign country. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement since international travel facilities have developed rapidly and will continue to do so attracting travelers all around the world.
To begin
 with,
people
 like visiting places that they are not familiar with. Many save money to explore unchartered regions to achieve a sense of satisfaction.
For instance
, individuals living in hot and humid regions prefer travelling to colder areas
such
 as Switzerland to experience
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 environment that they have never lived in.
In addition
, the time spent on a train or a flight will decline radically with improved airways and metro rail facilities which makes travelling abroad become a viable option for many.
Hence
,
people
 will most likely choose to spend holidays overseas frequently.
Furthermore
, a large section of
people
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
 travelling to foreign regions to explore their cultural heritage.
Although
 there is
language
Add an article
a language
the language
show examples
 barrier, advancements in technology have created an efficient way of carrying out conversations among
people
 who speak different languages.
For example
, there are now devices that enable speech translation which makes it convenient for
people
 to understand a foreign language
while
 visiting a non-native country.
Therefore
,
people
 would travel to explore overseas to better understand the customs and lifestyles of other countries by communicating with local
people
 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the most of their visit with the help of technology. In conclusion, international tourism will reach new heights in the future paving way for faster and safer travel options.
Thus
,
people
 would prefer travelling abroad on vacation more than visiting places in their own countries.
Submitted by prajaktavibhute898 on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, ensure you directly address the question throughout your essay, providing a balanced argument if required. While your position is clear, exploring counterarguments briefly could add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider varying your linking phrases and ensuring each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices will strengthen the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Continue to include specific examples to support your points. Consider incorporating more direct examples from various countries and cultures to provide a broader perspective and further strengthen your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
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