IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
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Nowadays, the majority of people in the world suffer from starvation
while
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 we have witnessed agricultural advancement. In my opinion, progressing in agriculture isn'
t
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 enough to provide
food
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 for all people and we need to improve
food
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 transportation, and all
areas
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 should be able to exploit
this
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 advancement. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss reasons and solutions for
this
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 issue. I believe that the existence of new facilities isn'
t
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 enough to feed a great deal of folks, and other aspects should be considered.
Firstly
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, Numerous roads aren'
t
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 sufficient for
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
show examples
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food
Change preposition
of food
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 and decent vehicles
such
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 as trucks and trains should be provided in order to receive
products
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 faster before they get spoiled or ruined.
Secondly
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, agricultural
products
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 should be maintained in good conditions in stocks for a long time to be able to be used at any time.
For example
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, in my country, many
products
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 have been infested by rodents
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of sufficient stocks.
Finally
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, agriculture is usually implemented in rural
areas
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 and suburbs where
farmers
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 are still utilizing traditional methods. Traditional methods are slow and lower
products
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 can be produced through them so despite a myriad of difficulties
farmers
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 have endured they aren'
t
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 satisfied with their incomes.
Thus
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, all
areas
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 from cultivating
products
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 to distributing them should be facilitated.
However
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, there are many useful ways to tackle
this
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 problem and I will refer to two main of them. One of the major solutions is that roads with strong infrastructure should be built and the latest vehicle used to boost the rate of distribution and transformation of
food
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.
Also
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, all rural
areas
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 must be equipped with the latest amenities and strategies regarding agriculture
consequently
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, the more
farmers
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' income will increase and the more they are encouraged to continue farming and cause economic growth.
Therefore
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, the amount of
food
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 production would increase, more individuals could survive and the percentage of disease and fatality
due to
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 starvation would decrease. In conclusion, if we want to rescue hungry individuals, we should consider diverse aspects
such
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 as transportation, supply, and
farmers
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' benefits, and not just focus on agricultural equipment.
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supported main points
Work on developing and substantiating your main points with clear, specific examples and evidence to enhance the support for your arguments. This will strengthen the essay's persuasive power.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are clearly and comprehensively explained. Avoid vague generalizations and strive for clarity and precision in expression to improve the reader's understanding of your arguments.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to back your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments and making them more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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