Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Nowadays, there are a number of

shcool

Correct your spelling

school

leavers who tend to get into

Remove the article

work

a job

show examples

work

Use synonyms

and decide to travel. I think their attraction

for

Change preposition

show examples

work

Use synonyms

beacause

Correct your spelling

because

of the financial issues they face, gaining skills and

on the other hand

Linking Words

the reason behind

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

is bringing refreshment to their mind.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the essay explores the reason and the negative outcome of

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

activities.

To begin

Linking Words

with, in

tems

Correct your spelling

terms

of forcing themselves to

work

Use synonyms

, most of the

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

the reason is lack of money. There are so many students who cannot afford the

tution

Correct your spelling

tuition

fees of

university

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

makes them feel

doing

Change preposition

like doing

show examples

something

Change preposition

show examples

own

Correct pronoun usage

their own

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, I used to do tutoring after I left my school. I used to teach 3 students so that I

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

earn

somthing

Correct your spelling

something

and I used to save them for my

university

Use synonyms

tution

Correct your spelling

tuition

fee. I determined to do

this

Linking Words

beacuse

Correct your spelling

because

things had been very tight at that time for my family, I just wanted to assist them by providing them with some money.

Furthermore

Linking Words

work

Use synonyms

helps people to

aquire

Correct your spelling

acquire

experience and skills. When we do

work

Use synonyms

, we get to learn a lot of things

due to

Linking Words

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

new environment and that helps to enhance our skills that ensure our good career.

Secondly

Linking Words

, when we travel, we feel very good and refreshed inside. A fresh mind and good health aids to do anything in a proper manner.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they want to spend some quality

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

with their friends or in nature before the new

begining

Correct your spelling

beginning

so that they can be ready to handle the pressure of

university

Use synonyms

. Anyways, when we think about the negative influence of

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

practices, it really

creats

Correct your spelling

creates

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tension.

Work

Use synonyms

and exploring

kills

Change the verb form

kill

show examples

lots of

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

and that can be a disadvantage for the students. If they

give

Verb problem

have

show examples

a gap and spend their time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

doing these

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

instead

Linking Words

of starting

university

Use synonyms

and

studing

Correct your spelling

studying

, they cannot cope

Change preposition

apply

show examples

with other

studends

Correct your spelling

students

later on.

For example

Linking Words

, as I mentioned about my

work

Use synonyms

before going to the

university

Use synonyms

, It

asserted

Verb problem

had

show examples

very bad effects on my studies.I had to go through a lot of

troubles

Fix the agreement mistake

trouble

show examples

to catch up with the lectures and all.

To conclude

Linking Words

, though working and exploring brings us new adventure and experience and allows us to be skillful

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

it pushes us to face very bad

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

in consequences.

niloyirtisam

Jan 12, 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay provides a recognized structure, but greater focus on transition phrases and coherent paragraphing would improve the logical flow.

Task Achievement

You present general ideas effectively, but fail to fully expand or illustrate these ideas with specific examples, which are often vague or insufficiently developed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

388 words

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Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Some people say that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

In most cities and towns, the high volumes of road traffic become a problem. What are the causes of that and what actions could be taken to solve the problem?

Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Poor nutrition and obesity is a problem in many developed countries and some people believe that a tax on fast food would reduce the problem. Do you agree?