IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
Nowadays,
coordination
 skills
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role in everyone’s
life
 . It is considered by some individuals that
team
games
 are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 excellent method to understand the importance of of cooperative ability for pupils.
This
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
 would not only outline my argument but
also
, elaborate some illustrations in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, sports are the one of best
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 which teaches
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters
abundance
Correct article usage
an abundance
show examples
 of skills . To be more specific, the first lesson of any
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
 is
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
,
while
 playing sports the
leans
Verb problem
learners learn
show examples
 how to play in
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 and apply their strategies with
agreement
Add an article
the agreement
show examples
 of others.
Moreover
, during the game
Add a comma
,
show examples
some situations come out where they learn
understanding
Change the verb form
to understand
show examples
 and
coordination
Replace the word
coordinate
show examples
 with each other.
For example
, cricket , football or hockey are the
games
 where Hard to win the
games
 with cooperation , there should be good communication among
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
.
Furthermore
, learning cooperation is not only beneficial for
career
Correct pronoun usage
my career
show examples
even
Correct word choice
but even
show examples
 though,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
my personal
show examples
life
 . To
precise
Add a missing verb
be precise
show examples
 , if kids learn the ability of
coordination
Replace the word
coordinate
show examples
,
then
 they can easily do
work
 or balance their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 with their
near
Correct word choice
loved
show examples
 ones.
In addition
 , in professional
life
, one needs to
work
 with
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 and under their senior ,
therefore
 having
skill
Add an article
the skill
a skill
show examples
 of
team
 spirit and cooperation is essential . To illustrate,
Multi national
Correct your spelling
Multinational
show examples
 companies
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 example of
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 in
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
,because employers
work
 with
others colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
other colleagues
show examples
 and do difficult assignments
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 only possible with
coordination
Correct article usage
the coordination
show examples
 of all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
team
Add an article
the team
show examples
 members. In conclusion, having
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
of working
Replace the preposition
to work
show examples
 in
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
 is significant in
this
 present scenario . Playing sports teaches
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of skills to youngsters for their future
life
.
Submitted by Jatinderjass.jj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You should focus on developing a clear, logical structure within your essay, with distinct paragraphs that include topic sentences and transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that an introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly define the stance on the topic, providing an overview of the main points to be discussed and a succinct summary at the end.
coherence cohesion
Back up main points with more detailed support, such as specific examples or data, which enhances the clarity and impact of the argument.
task achievement
A complete response to the prompt is required, meaning you should diligently answer all parts of the question and stay relevant throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas by further elaborating on points and making arguments more nuanced.
task achievement
Provide relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens the persuasive power of your essay and shows an understanding of the topic in real-world contexts.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: