Study the table below that shows the results of a survey of 200 adolescents and their parents. Then compare the first paragraphs of two different responses to the survey and answer questions 1-2. 1 Which response do you think is more satisfactory? Why? 2 Why do you think the writer of Response 2 has chosen to include certain supporting details and not others?

#study #results #survey #adolescents #parents #first #paragraphs #two #responses #questions #writer

The data given represents that the table contains the result of a survey of views of

parental

Replace the word

parents

show examples

on adolescent's

decision making

Add a hyphen

decision-making

show examples

, it is crucial to understand that

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

figures and restrictions are significantly varied with age and gender. The former,

fathers

represent the highest figure among most of the indicated topics around their children making

adequately

Change the adverb

adequate

show examples

choices,one instance that exemplifies

this

point is

fathers

accounted for over 34% with a great deal of difference among all subjects. The latter,mothers

comes

Change the verb form

come

show examples

a close second place after

fathers

in comparison

adolescence

Change preposition

to adolescence

show examples

however

mothers

reaching

Wrong verb form

reached

show examples

a peak for; "what friends they make" with 78%

while

Fathers

,boy and

subsequently

girl adolescents,with 76%, 22% and 17% respectively. More importantly even though

household

Fix the agreement mistake

households

show examples

put approximately similar restrictions for girl and boy children,sons are

involving

Wrong verb form

involved

show examples

a slightly more collaborative

decision making

Add a hyphen

decision-making

show examples

than daughters. To finalize

this

point, among 4

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

parts of a

houshold

Correct your spelling

household

,householders mainly make decisions in terms of most decisions their child

educate

Correct subject-verb agreement

educates

show examples

with .

Submitted by nimalizadeh.ir on Sat Jan 13 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words fathers with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

159 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
The plan below shows a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today.
The depicted maps illustrate the condition of harbour in 2000 and the developments of today.
<4
band
Some people that allowing children yo make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food , clothes and entertainment ) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes . Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion .
Nowadays, there are many views about the ways of children's parenting. It can be showed where some people believe that giving the children freewill to decide on their daily matters, such as food, clothes, and entertainments would make them individually behaviour. However, the other people see that allowing them to choose their daily affairs could lead them independently make important decisions affecting on them. I think, parenting's type like this has good benefits for children rather than negative effects. Here are my opinions.
5.5
band
There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
The preference of educating children at home by parents over letting them join in a traditional class setting has seen a sharp growth recently. From my point of view, this phenomenon may bring more demerits than their counterparts.
<4
band
Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is frequently believed that retirement is considered to be freedom for some people, However, some argue that getting old is terrible, while others say that life for old people is way more comfortable these days compared to previous years. In this essay, I'm going to discuss both arguments and give my point of view.
6.5
band
Some people think that consumerism can boost the economy and create business and jobs. Others consider that society becomes a ‘throw-away society’ producing unnecessary waste. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people argue that the majority of consumption can contribute to economic growth and create more employment opportunities, while the opponents of this concept take the view that producing unnecessary waste can result in a throw-away society. Although consumerism can help the growth of the economy and create more job places, I believe that overconsumption has detrimental effects on the society and the environment.

The plan below shows a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today.

There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that consumerism can boost the economy and create business and jobs. Others consider that society becomes a ‘throw-away society’ producing unnecessary waste. Discuss both views and give your opinion.