Nowadays, many people use the Internet to get medical advice instead of going to see a doctor. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In the contemporary era, an increasing number of individuals are turning to the
internet
for medical guidance rather than seeking traditional consultations in hospitals or clinics. Two factors drive Capitalize word
Internet
this
trend, and I firmly believe it represents a negative evolution.
Firstly
, the primary reason for the growing reliance on online medical advice is convenience. With the widespread availability of smartphones, tablets, and computers, people can access health
advice from anywhere at any time. It is often more convenient to search for information online than to schedule an appointment and travel to a doctor's office, especially for those with busy schedules. Additionally
, individuals may opt for online medical guidance due to
the privacy and confidentiality it offers. This
allows them to seek advice on sensitive health
issues without revealing their identity or personal information to a medical professional, which is particularly crucial for stigmatized topics such
as mental or sexual health
.
However
, from my perspective, this
is a concerning trend as the internet cannot consider the implicit health
conditions of patients. Direct medical diagnoses from online sources can lead individuals to believe their health
problems are more serious than they really are. For example
, a Google search for "headache or migraine reasons" may yield results suggesting severe conditions like brain cancer or aneurysms, causing unnecessary concern. This
limitation arises because internet search mechanisms are not equipped to consider other factors that may contribute to symptoms. A patient searching for "headache reasons" may have an implicit health
condition like dehydration as the main cause.
In conclusion, in today's world, people are increasingly opting for online medical services over traditional doctor visits, driven by reasons of convenience and privacy. However
, I contend that this
trend is not positive, as it may lead to incorrect or exaggerated perceptions of health
problems.Submitted by xiaoruoling7 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and a conclusion, which is positive; however, it could be improved by incorporating a more detailed logical progression within paragraphs and between them to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
You managed to state the main points, but you could further support them with specific examples or evidence for greater effectiveness. Aim to incorporate a variety of sentence structures and linking words to demonstrate higher levels of cohesion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, providing reasons for the trend and a personal stance, but to achieve a higher score, ensure that the response fully covers all parts of the prompt more comprehensively with a balanced discussion and a wider range of ideas.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to illustrate your points more vividly. The examples given are relevant, but more specificity and detail could strengthen the argument and showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.