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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishments #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account #punishment
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Some argue that there should be a standardized punishment for every type of criminal act because it allows the court to have equal rules. Others think that the perpetrator’s background should be considered and
this
 essay believes that some crimes are driven by unfavourable situations
thus
 they do not have other choices. On the one hand, people think that justice can be achieved by implementing fixed punishments for every illegal action.
This
 measure is taken to create equal consequences for each level of violation.
This
 enables judges to sentence a fair verdict. The regulations warn the public and prevent them from doing illegal actions without considering whether it is in a small or huge amount.
For example
, robbing people’s money is still a crime whether it is only $1 or $100 and the criminals should receive the punishment.
However
, in some countries where their residents suffer poverty, many criminal cases are driven by economic difficulties.
Therefore
, they violate the law to stay alive.
On the other hand
, one case to another will be different based on the motivation and the condition of the perpetrators. Some of them may not want to break the rules,
however
, they are pressured by their condition and they do not receive enough support from the government.
Therefore
, they left no choice but to violate the law.
For instance
,
due to
 poverty and very low income, a father in Cincinnati who cannot provide enough money for his family, rob a store to get a pack of rice. Compared to those who do robbery because they need money to gamble, that father’s case holds different moral considerations.
This
 essay thinks that it is important to punish those who break the law not only by the type of crime but
also
 by circumstantial situations. In conclusion,
although
 sentencing the same punishment for every type of violation allows the judges to deliver an equal verdict, the backgrounds that drive someone to act against the regulations should be considered to have better fairness.
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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed and extended. While there is some development, further extension of these ideas could enhance the essay's strength and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay exhibits some signs of organization, you should strive for more coherence and cohesion in your writing. Improve paragraphing by creating well-separated, distinct ideas that support the main theme cohesively. Transitions could be smoother, and the relationship between ideas needs to be more explicit to facilitate better flow and understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fixed punishments
  • consistency
  • predictability
  • deter crime
  • potential offenders
  • streamline
  • judicial process
  • bias
  • corruption
  • complexity
  • human behavior
  • circumstances
  • justice system
  • intent
  • remorse
  • socio-economic background
  • rehabilitate offenders
  • recidivism rates
  • flexible punishment systems
  • inconsistencies
  • perceived injustices
  • public trust
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