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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. What is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative developmnet?

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Nowadays, it has become a daily occurrence that
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their time playing on their gadgets. As they are in the age where they crave
for
Change preposition
apply
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excitement, smartphones provide them unlimited entertainment and
this
Linking Words
 can be seen as a negative development because
children
Use synonyms
 are stuck in their own world without befriending other people.
Children
Use synonyms
 like to play with smartphones a lot because they can be easily entertained.
This
Linking Words
 happens because
phones
Use synonyms
 allow them to download games or watch YouTube which has
numerous contents
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of content
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 for them to see. Because of these various entertainments, they can explore more things that they do not have in their surroundings.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 do not have to buy a plane toy when they can just play aircraft
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 on their
phones
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 smartphones offer
children
Use synonyms
 unlimited entertainment,
this
Linking Words
 constant exposure to screens has concerning implications for their social development.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they become incapable of socializing with their surroundings, resulting in a lack of awareness of social cues and occasional outbursts of tempers.
For instance
Linking Words
, once their
phones
Use synonyms
 are taken away they are likely to throw a tantrum because they lost their source of joy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as they are growing up, they will feel isolated
to
Change preposition
in
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 their environment as
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 their only company. In conclusion, the high rates of
children
Use synonyms
 spending hours on their
phones
Use synonyms
 occur because they seek something fun and entertaining.
However
Linking Words
, the ramifications of
this
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 can be substantial, ranging from impaired social skills to a potential sense of isolation as they confine themselves to their digital realms.

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task achievement
Make sure to address both parts of the question fully, providing equal depth and development to the 'why' aspect of the trend as well as evaluating the given trend's positive or negative nature comprehensively. Providing balanced coverage ensures a higher Task Achievement score.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, effectively use a range of cohesive devices to clearly connect ideas throughout the essay. This includes varying linking words, referencing pronouns, and other means of ensuring each part of the essay logically follows from the previous one.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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