Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, believe that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals consider enhanced
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
the best way to boost public
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that increasing the number of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
does not contribute enough to improve public
health
Use synonyms
, and other measures are essential.
This
Linking Words
essay will explore why I agree that other methods are more effective for progress in public
health
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
with,
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
have a significant effect on a person's attitude toward exercising, which is beneficial for
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, constructing more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
may be a good option for public
health
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they are crucial for those who do not have enough financial support to go to gyms or other
sports
Use synonyms
centres.
For instance
Linking Words
, I used to go to a gym that did not require money, and it really helped me overcome my overweight problem.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that education is a vital factor in spreading awareness for public
health
Use synonyms
. Teaching about
health
Use synonyms
issues and how to deal with them is lifesaving in many cases.
For example
Linking Words
, I was not aware of my overweight problem because I was not educated well regarding that matter. So, it is important to educate the public about
health
Use synonyms
concerns to address their
health
Use synonyms
issues. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
enhancing
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
may be advantageous for people who cannot afford them, there are several reasons why I believe other measures are needed to improve public
health
Use synonyms
. Educating the public is more effective because it helps individuals become more mindful of
health
Use synonyms
issues and maintain their well-being.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. However, further elaboration on how education can specifically address different public health issues could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, and the essay is logically structured. To improve, you might consider using more transitional phrases to create smoother paragraph transitions and strengthen coherence.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by presenting both views and clearly stating your opinion.
examples
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as your personal experience with a free gym and the impact of education on addressing health issues.
organization
The essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs that each express a specific point, enhancing readability and coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: