Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. What is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative developmnet?
Modern kids' smartphone addiction has been progressing over the
last
ten years. Some people believe this
could be a problem for themselves and for the future of our world. It is agreed that mobile phone obsession is a negative trend. This
essay will shed some light on the issue and discuss several reasons for its occurrence.
To begin
with, according to
a study conducted at the University of North Carolina, the main reasons for being absorbed by phones are the willingness to run away from reality and tons of addictive, easy-to-digest content. For instance
, the research showed us that modern offspring, the so-called Z generation, spend fifty-seven per cent more online compared to the previous generation. Children find watching videos on social platforms more engaging than hanging out with family and friends. Moreover
, such
activities prevent them from solving real-life problems and help them to escape routine.
From my point of view, overconsumption of content can lead to severe problems and exert additional pressure on fragile connections between social groups. For example
, statistical data gathered in the last
decade shows two line graphs indicating stable trends. The former is the divorce rate in well-developed countries. The latter is the number of new kids in countries like the U.S., Germany, the UK and so forth. The Human Society laboratory at North Carolina Uni calculated the correlation between the two events, which is 0.87.
To sum up
, over the last
ten years, even well-known universities throughout the world have noticed the trend and started to research it. Some of them found the connection between addictive content and social metrics. Even though the correlation is not causation, modern individuals must be wary and prevent their descendants from additional hazards.Submitted by 8453525 on
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Task Achievement
Task Response: Your essay addresses the topic and presents both why the trend is occurring and whether it's positive or negative. However, while you offer some personal viewpoint and research references, your arguments would benefit from clearer explanations and stronger connections to the question prompt. Focus on directly answering the 'why' of smartphone usage among children and providing more balanced discussion on its positive and negative aspects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The structure of your essay is satisfactory, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, the progression of ideas could be smoother, with clearer topic sentences and better paragraphing. Using a wider range of linking words and clearer transitions would help improve the logical flow. Focus on paragraph unity and ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea, with examples directly supporting it.
Your opinion
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?