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Band 5.5

Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children while others think parents need not to do that as children can read books, watch tV or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #stories #children #books #tv #movies
Research found that
bed-time
Correct your spelling
bedtime
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 reading
session
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sessions
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 one of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 crucial ways to bond with
the
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apply
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children
, especially during pre-teen age,
while
also
 enhancing their cognitive
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
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.
However
, some people oppose
this
 statement as they argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 can do it individually without
the
Change the word
their
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parents
' help and guidance.
This
 essay will discuss
about
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apply
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the reason behind both arguments and why I side with the former. On one hand, when
children
 are given the liberty to choose their leisure activities, namely watching TV, movies, or reading books, they tend to be more creative and decisive as they will seek the entertainment of their preferences.
For instance
, adolescents are more advanced when it comes to technology and trends, but they are hindered because their
parents
 are unable to provide it.
As a result
, they prefer to explore any fun activities by themselves.
Nonetheless
,
parents
 who are directly involved in the
children
's activity and actively read them books relatively have a stronger emotional link to their sons and daughters, which will be beneficial for their emotional intelligence development in the future.
For example
,
parents
 will have the freedom to look closely at their toddler's behaviour when they spend time together to read books together.
Thus
, later
on
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on,
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 the little ones will be able to convey their emotions and feel understood by their guardians, just because of
this small routines
Change the determiner
this small routine
these small routines
show examples
 of story-telling and quality time. In conclusion, the benefits of
children
's individual exploration have underwhelming impacts compared to the well-established emotional intelligence from
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
direct parental guidance during
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 leisure times.
Finally
,
parents
-
children
 bonds from
a direct story-telling offsets
Correct the article-noun agreement
a direct story-telling offset
direct story-telling offsets
show examples
 the liberty of
children
 to pick their own activity.
Submitted by pink panther on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay meticulously addresses all parts of the task. It appears that while you have discussed both views, your personal opinion could be more effectively integrated and referenced throughout the essay rather than just at the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on the smoothness of your paragraph transitions. While your essay is structurally sound, transitions between ideas and paragraphs can be improved by employing a wider range of cohesive devices and by better highlighting the relationships between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that the essay maintains a formal register throughout. Avoid using colloquial expressions or informal language, which can detract from the academic tone expected in IELTS Writing Task 2.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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