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Band 7.5

The Need for Higher Prices on Sugary Products to Promote Healthier Consumption

#prices #products #consumption
In today’s society, many manufactured food and drink
products
 contain high levels of
sugar
, leading to various
health
problems
. To mitigate these issues, it has been suggested that sugary
products
 should be made more expensive to discourage their consumption. I strongly agree with
this
 notion for several reasons.
Firstly
, sugary
products
 are a major contributor to childhood obesity. Children often cannot control themselves when it comes to buying sugary snacks and beverages. If the prices of these items were higher, it could limit their ability to purchase them, particularly if their allowance is not sufficient. Recent research supports
this
 by showing that increased costs can reduce consumption. By making sugary
products
 more expensive, we can help reduce the rates of childhood obesity and the associated
health
problems
.
Secondly
, sugary
products
such
 as candy and soda usually contain large amounts of
sugar
, which can lead to addiction and severe
health
 issues. People often become addicted to the
sugar
 rush and continue to consume these
products
 in large quantities.
This
 addiction can result in serious
health
problems
 like heart attacks and diabetes. Higher prices would likely deter frequent purchases, thereby reducing the risk of these
health
 issues.
Additionally
, the economic burden on the healthcare system
due to
sugar
-related illnesses is significant. Governments often face rising welfare budgets to address these
health
problems
. By making sugary
products
 more expensive, we can potentially lower the incidence of
sugar
-related diseases, which in turn can help reduce healthcare costs.
This
 economic benefit could be used to fund other essential public
health
 initiatives. In conclusion, making sugary
products
 more expensive is a necessary step towards encouraging people to consume less
sugar
.
This
 measure could help combat childhood obesity, reduce addiction and severe
health
problems
, and alleviate the financial strain on the healthcare system.
Therefore
, governments should consider implementing policies to increase the prices of sugary
products
 to promote a healthier society.
Submitted by tvkevin0910681085 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, including more varied and specific examples would further strengthen your argument. For instance, you could include specific case studies or statistical data to underline the points made.
coherence cohesion
You demonstrate a clear and logical progression of ideas, which is excellent. However, linking words and transitional phrases could be used more effectively to enhance the flow between points. Use phrases like "Moreover," and "In addition," to better connect your paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, with an effective introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This greatly aids in presenting your argument coherently.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers all aspects of the task prompt, providing a well-rounded response that addresses the issue of increasing the prices of sugary products to promote healthier consumption.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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