There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
It is true that a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world.
Music
is a vital
part
of all human cultures for a range of reasons, and I would argue that traditional music
is more important than modern, international music
.
Music
is something that accompanies all of us throughout our lives. As children, we are
taught songs by our parents and teachers as a means of learning language, or simply as a form of enjoyment. Children delight in singing with others, and it would appear that the act of singing in a group creates a connection between participants, regardless of their age. Later in life, people’s musical preferences develop, and we come to see our favourite songs as part
of our life stories. Music
both expresses and arouses emotions in a way that words alone cannot. In short, it is difficult to imagine life without it.
In my opinion, traditional music
should be valued over the international music
that has
become so popular. International pop music
is often catchy and fun, but it is essentially a commercial product that is
marketed and sold by business people. Traditional music
, by contrast
, expresses the culture, customs and history of a country. Traditional styles, such
as ...(example)..., connect us to the past and form part
of our cultural identity. It would be a real pity if pop music
became so predominant that these national styles disappeared.
In conclusion, music
is a necessary part
of human existence, and I believe that traditional
music
should be given more importance than international music
.Submitted by kmuxayyo97 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outlines the main points and provides a final perspective. This is positive for your structure and gives clarity to your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay somewhat follows a logical structure but could benefit from better linking words and clearer paragraphing to enhance the flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents distinct main points that support the argument, but these could be developed further with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
Your response completes the task, however, more could be done to elaborate on why music is necessary in life, as well as expanding on the significance of traditional music beyond the points given. Try to explore a wider range of ideas and delve deeper into the topic.
Task Achievement
You offer a clear opinion and explore relevant ideas, but to increase the comprehensiveness of your essay, include a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument and a broader range of points.
Task Achievement
The use of examples is limited and not fully developed. To improve, provide specific instances or evidence to back up your points about traditional and international music, making your argument more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.