IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

In recent years, the prevalence of diet-related
health
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 issues has surged in many nations
due to
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 excessive consumption of fast
food
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.
While
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 some argue that imposing higher taxes on
such
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 products is an effective solution, others question its fairness and practicality.
This
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 essay will explore both the rationale for
such
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 a policy and its potential implications. The primary justification for a fast
food
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tax
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 lies in its potential to discourage unhealthy eating habits and alleviate public
health
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 burdens. Fast
food
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 is often high in saturated fats, sodium, and sugars—components linked to obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases. By increasing the price through taxation, governments can influence consumer behaviour and reduce demand, particularly among low-income groups who are most vulnerable. A similar approach has proven successful in countries like Mexico, where a sugar
tax
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 led to a measurable decline in soft drink consumption and obesity rates.
However
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, critics argue that taxation alone may not address the root causes of poor dietary choices. Many individuals rely on fast
food
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due to
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 its affordability, convenience, and lack of access to healthier alternatives.
Therefore
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, without parallel investments in nutrition education and the availability of affordable, nutritious
food
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, a fast
food
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tax
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 may disproportionately impact disadvantaged populations without producing long-term benefits. In conclusion,
while
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 a higher
tax
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 on fast
food
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 could be a viable strategy to improve public
health
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, it should be implemented as part of a broader policy framework that includes education, subsidies for healthy
food
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, and urban planning for better access. Only through comprehensive measures can governments effectively address the growing
health
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 crisis linked to fast
food
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 consumption.

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task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that outline your position well. However, consider briefly stating your main points in the introduction for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly well-organized. Use more linking words like 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'finally' to improve flow.
task achievement
While the examples are relevant, adding one more specific example or statistic could strengthen your argument further.
content
You provided a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which is commendable and shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overconsumption
  • diet-related illnesses
  • healthcare system
  • disincentive
  • public health
  • safeguard
  • economic burden
  • lower-income populations
  • public education campaigns
  • food labeling
  • health implications
  • obesity
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • nutrition education
  • punitive measures
  • inequity
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • productivity
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