In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you thinks this is a positive or negative situation.

In some countries, there is a viewpoint that owning a
home
is more important than renting one. I think the reason causing
this
situation
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
to many aspects,
such
as the national
culture
and policy.
Although
I think owning a
home
has advantages in many ways, I still hold a negative attitude towards
this
situation
because of the economic and social pressure
this
viewpoint has been leading. One of the reasons why
people
regarding buying a
home
is important is
culture
. China is a very typical example. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history, a grand house is a presentation of status and wealth for individuals, and as the clan conception has been rooted deeply in
this
country in long term history,
people
tend to have a solid
residential
Replace the word
residence
show examples
for their potential growing family. Even today, many Chinese choose what is beneficial for a traditional family as a priority.
And
Correct word choice
Culture
show examples
culture
influences how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society criticizes a person,
therefore
, there is a part of young citizens buying a
home
to run away from the pressure from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and their relatives.And another reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
situation
is the policy of a nation.The
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
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enough welfare would cause citizens’ insecurity. There are many
people
who believe that homeownership is the main source of security in China. If you own a
home
, you have a stable shelter, a renting
home
is not reliable. The reasons above have
a
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had a
show examples
negative impact on China these years. The passion of
people
buying
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
increases the price of a
home
. The high expenditure on buying a
home
lowers the quality of
people
’s lives, and many of them have to work overtime to repay the debt. These can seriously harm citizen’s mental and physical health. In general, more
people
prefer owning a
home
influenced by the
culture
and welfare policy of the country, and
this
situation
is not a good sign because there are many negative effects
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
been brought out.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical sequence. Use cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Provide a more comprehensive introduction to the topic that clearly outlines your essay's structure and argument. Conclude your essay effectively by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion.
supported main points
Support your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
complete response
Fully develop your response to all parts of the task. Make sure you address why home ownership might be important and discuss its positive and negative aspects. Provide a balanced view if possible.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas more comprehensively to avoid ambiguity. Use specific details and examples to articulate your points for greater clarity.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant examples to support your arguments. Ensure that your examples are specific and clearly linked to your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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