Some-people say the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what-extent-do-you-agree-or-disagree
Art has played an integral role in human beings, so the government put massive financial investment in
this
field, which led many people to think that there is no use in doing that instead
of supporting another one. From my point of view, I am not in favor
of the argument, and Change the spelling
favour
this
essay will clarify my opinion by showing the benefits of arts
.
First of all, the diverse genres of art can serve humans in numerous ways to communicate. Music, sculpting, painting, photography, and architecture can be tools to express messages that are difficult to transfer verbally. Correct article usage
the arts
For instance
, when browsing around museums or galleries, tourists can reflect on the artistic products and acknowledge the statements behind them. A majority of messages propagate concerns on
crucial issues in public.
Change preposition
about
Moreover
, arts
are undoubtedly considered to bring people comforts
Fix the agreement mistake
comfort
while
they are immersing
in them. People tend to go to the cinema at weekends or enjoy catching songs to relieve all anxiety and stress after work. Many pieces of research have shown the advantages of Wrong verb form
immersed
arts
, especially music, for recovering diseases
related to mental problems. The Change preposition
from diseases
metal
improvement and rejuvenation of the patients are a well-proven element for the reasonable investment of the government.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
mental
as
the benefits that Change preposition
of
arts
bring about to mankind, it is worthwhile for the government to devote a considerable amount of money to make arts
thrive.Submitted by M.zeshan5999 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, consider adding clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main point you will discuss. This will guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear stance on the topic, you could enhance them by linking back to the question more explicitly and restating your main arguments in the conclusion for greater impact.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen your main points, ensure that each one is developed fully with detailed explanations and specific examples. This will help to substantiate your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.
task achievement
Your response is complete, but to achieve a higher score, make sure that you address all parts of the prompt. This includes discussing the view that government funds could be spent elsewhere, which was somewhat overlooked in your essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but to improve, try to develop each one further with more detailed analysis and examples. This adds depth to your essay and shows the examiner your ability to explore concepts thoroughly.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. While you mentioned general benefits of the arts, providing concrete examples or citing studies would make your argument more persuasive and meet the IELTS criteria better.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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