The plans below show a student room for two people and a student room for one person at an Australian university

The given maps illustrate the layouts of a one-student
room
and a two-student
room
at a specific university in Australia. In general, the
room
for 2 people is wider and more expensive than the one for a person.
Besides
, the prior, which is equipt with more furniture, is apparently more convenient than the other. Regarding the prices and size, the two-people dorm costs $350 per week and has the size of 4 metres wide and 6 metres long. Meanwhile, the one-person dorm, which is $150 cheaper than the aforementioned, has the same length and 2.5-metre width. Turning to the interior furniture and set-up, basically, there are a bed, a set of study desks and a television on the right side of the
room
for a student. On the other side of it
locates
Verb problem
there is
show examples
a bathroom in the front, which is opposite the kitchen at the bottom. In comparison,
while
the top corner of the two-person
room
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
considerably similar to the prior, the remaining area of it place another bed, study desks and a round table. Notably, two personal areas are separated by a row of cupboards, ensuring the privacy of the occupants.
Submitted by chungoc2001 on

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Introduction
Your introduction provides a basic understanding of the subject. However, it could be more engaging by including a thesis statement or a brief overview of the main differences.
Task Achievement
You did an adequate job in describing the layouts and comparing the rooms. Yet, it is essential to ensure that a full and detailed comparison is made of all provided features in the plans to fully meet the task response criteria.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of linking words to connect ideas is present, but further cohesive devices and varied sentence structures could enhance the flow and clarity of your writing.
Conclusion
An effective conclusion would reinforce and summarize the information presented in the essay. Including a conclusive statement would also add to the overall coherence.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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