Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Few people argue that phone usage at school should be restricted
while
some others believe that
students
should be allowed to utilize their mobile
phones
. Personally, I completely agree with the first statement because bringing
phones
to schools can affect the children's concentration and social interaction. On the one hand,
phones
can be extremely useful, especially in today's climate where the internet has become an unavoidable part of our daily life. Young pupils can
use
their handphones to find study materials that are not available in the textbooks.
This
is going to be beneficial for both the teachers and
students
because the internet encompasses diverse subjects that will add more knowledge for its users.
For instance
, back
then
when I was in high school, we had to learn about the history of movie theaters and arts. Truthfully, it was quite hard to find the topics in physical books.
Hence
, the teachers permitted us to
use
gadgets and there were an abundance of magazines and articles that were very helpful for our homework.
On the other hand
, it is very understandable why many people support banning
phones
as they can affect concentration and social life.
Firstly
,
phones
can really affect young children's attention as many of them
use
phones
for the wrong purposes like playing games, whether during break time or even in the classroom when they supposedly need to pay full attention to the lecturers.
Additionally
, games are very addicting and it tends to be very difficult to stop playing them.
Consequently
, they will waste their time playing games rather than talking to their schoolmates.
This
is
then
proven by the recent report from Del Primary Academy that shows about 68% of its
students
no longer like to do physical activities with their friends and prefer to
use
social media at rest time.
To conclude
, even though
phones
can be helpful
to add
Change preposition
in adding
show examples
more knowledge, the possible drawbacks are worse as they can disturb
students
' concentration and social roles.
That is
why I agree to ban
phones
from schools.
Submitted by elissa223 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
While you provided relevant examples to support your argument, ensure that you fully develop each point by elaborating more on how and why these examples support your main argument. Aim for deeper analysis rather than superficial descriptions.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, use a range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas and paragraphs. Avoid overusing any one particular linking word and aim for variety.
Task Achievement
Although the essay provides an answer to the question, you could strengthen task achievement by ensuring that your opinion is stated clearly and reiterated in the conclusion, reinforcing your stance to the reader.
Task Achievement
Remember to address all parts of the prompt. While you have given both views and your opinion, make sure you also explore the opposing view fully. This will present a more balanced argument before stating your own opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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