It is often tought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this issue?

In contemporary society, juvenile delinquency has consistently been a topic of interest among the masses.
While
there are compelling arguments in favour of those more and more violent elements in media increase the crime
rate
among teenagers, there are
also
significant reasons to approach it with scepticism. Despite its contentious nature, I am inclined to oppose the viewpoint, as I believe the main reason should be the workaholic
parents
.
Also
,
this
essay will discuss some solutions to the
problem
.
It is clear that
the number of video games, movies and comedies which include violent scenes is increasing, and it is hard to not connect the rising juvenile crime
rate
with violent media.
However
, numerous research pointed out that the paramount reasons must stem from
children
's workaholic
parents
. The data showed that teenagers who felt emotionally connected to at least one parent were up to a third less likely to show types of
problem
behaviour.
Thus
, the low connection between the
parents
and their
children
leads to some teenagers tempt to use anti-social behaviours as a means to acquire
parents
' concerns,
such
as drug and alcohol abuse, teenage pregnancies or even some adolescents would join local gangs to fulfil the shortage of love and care from family members. It is
therefore
reasonable that I believe
parents
with no time to listen to their
children
pose a greater threat. In order to effectively solve the
problem
, the governments, schools and
parents
should play the key roles.
Firstly
, the governments should control the inflation
rate
and give some subsidies to families which have a newborn baby. In
this
way, one of the people in the double-income family can spend time taking care of their
children
by talking and listening. If the
children
have healthy concepts and mental, the probability of future negative behaviours would decline.
Secondly
, schools can provide some after-school extracurricular like painting, singing, and organisating football clubs.
Instead
of roaming on streets, participating in talent classes is a better choice for
children
.
Finally
,
parents
are the vital factors in the whole issue and should spend most strength on it.
For example
,
parents
should always make themselves available at the four key times of the day : early morning, immediately after school, suppertime and bedtime and always have meals and share life with
children
. If people can follow
such
problem
-solving suggestions step-by-step, the complexity of the
problem
could be underscored and resolved effectively. In conclusion, reflecting upon the point of view that enormous violent media sources tend to increase teenage crime rates. Given the consideration, my allegiance that hardworking
parents
with no time were the main reason is steadfastly consolidated and incontrovertible firm, and the governments, and school teachers need to make every effort to prevent juvenile delinquency
rate
increase.
Submitted by jasmine2001tw on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction directly addresses the question, providing a clear statement of your position regarding the causes of juvenile crime.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples to support your ideas. While you mention research, providing concrete examples or statistics would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure by using clearer and more varied transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance cohesion by referencing ideas in the introduction throughout the essay, maintaining a consistent thread of argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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