IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it is a waste of money for countries to host big sporting events like the World Cup, and that the money would be better spent on other things.However, others think that hosting large sporting events has a clear, positive impact on a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some believe that
instead
 of wasting
money
 on hosting large
sports
events
, it should be used for other fields,
while
 others think organizing these
events
 will bring benefits to a
country
. The writer of
this
 essay believes that even though large sporting
events
 can harm the living conditions of the locals, they not only enhance their reputation but
also
 contribute to the revenue of the
country
. It must be understood that the living standard will be declined if a
country
 hosts big sporting
events
.
This
 is because when a wealth of people stay in a particular sector of a
country
, it will emerge many problems associated with pollution
such
 as noise pollution, and air pollution.
Moreover
, the facilities of the
country
 will be degraded because of overcrowding.
As a result
, there will
also
 be a lot of problems that need to be solved after hosting big
sports
events
.
However
, a
country
 can popularize its image if the government organizes these
events
. To be more specific, the image of the
country
 will have appeared on live broadcast, so there will be more individuals known. Based on
this
 trend, other individuals will consider the potential economy of
this
 sector to make a decision to invest, thanks to these cases, development opportunities will be opened.
As a result
, it will be more famous for the
country
 that hosts these
sports
events
. In my opinion, the budgets will be boosted when the sporting
events
 take place.
In other words
, In order to enjoy live performances, remote spectators must pay for tickets, accommodation, and food,
therefore
 these visitors will contribute their
money
 to the revenue of the
country
 and local services. Not only that, selling the license to other countries will earn a wealth of
money
.
For instance
, Qatar is a
country
that is
 famous for making plenty of
money
 from hosting the World Cup. In conclusion, despite the living conditions being reduced by hosting
sports
events
, it is more beneficial for a particular
country
due to
 the flourishing in fame
along with
 the contribution to revenue.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on the points made and provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views clearly and provides the writer's opinion in a structured manner.
coherence cohesion
A well-organized introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay strong opening and closing points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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