IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others believe there are better alternatives to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Crime
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 is a serious issue in many societies, and there are differing opinions on how to effectively reduce it.
While
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 some argue that longer
prison
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 terms are the best solution, others believe alternative methods can be more effective.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives before presenting a personal view. On the one hand, supporters of longer
prison
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 sentences believe they serve as a strong deterrent. When people are aware that committing a
crime
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 could lead to many years behind bars, they may think twice before breaking the law.
Furthermore
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, keeping criminals in
prison
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 for extended periods can protect society by physically removing dangerous individuals.
For example
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, serious offenders like murderers or repeat violent criminals pose ongoing threats and may need to be isolated for the safety of others.
On the other hand
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, many believe that focusing on the root causes of
crime
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 can lead to better outcomes. Education, job training, and mental health support can reduce the likelihood of people turning to
crime
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 in the first place.
For instance
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, many young offenders come from disadvantaged backgrounds where they
lacked
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lack
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 access to positive role models or opportunities. If governments invest in social programs and rehabilitation
instead
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 of simply increasing
prison
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 time,
this
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 could lead to lower
crime
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 rates in the long term. In my opinion,
while
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 long
prison
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 sentences are necessary in some extreme cases, they are not a one-size-fits-all solution. Addressing the underlying reasons why people commit crimes is more effective and sustainable. A balanced approach that includes both punishment and prevention is likely to yield the best results. In conclusion,
although
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 long
prison
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 sentences can deter and contain serious criminals, addressing social issues through education and support is a more humane and effective strategy in the long run

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coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Include more varied sentence structures to enhance the writing style.
task achievement
Provide additional examples to support your points further, especially on root causes of crime.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion and addressed both sides effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written and clearly outline your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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