IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times, and they think it is a waste of time to read any entertainments books.What is your opinion about this?

#parents #children #books #times #waste #time #entertainments
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As someone who loved reading
books
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 growing up, I believe that
books
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 are essential and very useful in many ways.
While
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 I do agree that serious educational
books
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 are great because the main purpose of the
book
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 itself is for educational purposes, I believe people, in
this
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 particular context,
children
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, can
also
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 get new knowledge from reading
entertainment
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books
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.
Besides
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, even if one reads any
books
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 that do not serve educational purposes as a main goal, I do not think it is a
way
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 of wasting someone's time as long as the
book
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 is suitable for one's age, understanding, and mental condition. Reading, in fact, is a great
way
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 to spend time, especially for
children
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, and it would be even greater if they could find a source of
entertainment
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 through
books
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.   Another thing to add is that
entertainment
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books
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such
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 as storybooks, magazines, comics, and others often give out information in a more interesting
way
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 for
children
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 than serious educational
books
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, making it easier for
children
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 to grasp new information. In my opinion, if
parents
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 expect or force their
children
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 to read only serious educational
books
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, it may be boring for the
children
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 and
then
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 develop into an activity that they are not excited about.
Furthermore
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, because reading can be useful in many ways, I believe that if
parents
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 want their
children
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 to grow up thinking that reading a
book
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 is an enjoyable activity to do, they have to make their
children
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 comfortable reading
books
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 by letting them explore various kinds of
books
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, not only
books
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 that serve serious educational purposes. It is important for
parents
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 or older figures to discuss with
children
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 what kind of content they enjoy or want to explore more and find a
book
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 that matches their interests, or they could introduce
children
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 to new things through
books
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 that could catch their
children
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's attention.
Thus
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, based on my opinion, I do not agree with
parents
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 who think reading any
entertainment
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book
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 is a
way
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 of wasting time. In fact, I think it is very suitable for
children
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 because it could develop their interest in reading
books
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kinantiputriunique on

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structure
Ensure that there is a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the structure of the essay and sets out your position on the issue. It's essential to make your thesis statement obvious.
cohesion
In terms of logical structure, the essay moves from point to point; however, it would benefit from a clearer progression of ideas. Consider using transitional phrases to better link paragraphs and sentences.
structure
Include a clear conclusion that restates your position and summarizes the main points made in the essay to provide closure to the reader.
content
Reinforce your main points with concrete examples or evidence. This makes your argument more robust and persuasive. It also ensures that the essay fully responds to the prompt's request for your opinion.
focus
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences are relevant to this main idea. Avoid digressions or overly broad statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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