In modern society, it is no longer necessary to slaughter animals for producing food, or non-food products such as clothes or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
are slaughtering
animals
for goods every single day, they kept doing
this
throughout their history. But the question is, Do
people
really need to kill
animals
for their meat, fur or hides? Do they have to produce goods by using
animals
? The answer is negative.
Due to
the development of technology,
people
have decreased their demand for animal
products
,
instead
, they are more likely to use non-animal
products
. From my perspective, it is an inevitable and rightful social trend. On the one hand, using non-animal
products
could bring more benefits to
people
. For companies compared with animal
products
, non-animal
products
could be cheaper and easier to produce. When companies gain more profits from it, the product will likely have a lower price than the animal product, from which customers will benefit. Take whale
oil
as an example.
People
in the 16th-17th century slaughtered whales for their
oil
, to light up the lamp. But soon after the first industrial revolution,
people
discovered coal, a great source to light up the lamp and have a better value for money than whale
oil
. So
people
abandoned whales'
oil
for coals, which are much cheaper and easier to get. In that situation,
people
do not need to slaughter whales anymore.
On the other hand
, using non-animal
products
is more humanitarian.
People
nowadays are slaughtering
animals
in captivity. They are, as butchers say, born to death, but, they are
also
lives as well. They do not deserve to die. As
people
's lives have become more abundant nowadays, they are improving their spiritual pursuits, and many are pursuing humanitarianism. Using non-animal
products
could meet their mental needs and satisfy them. So, it
also
could bring benefits to
people
in a spiritual satisfaction way. In conclusion, using non-animal
products
instead
of slaughtering
animals
for animal
products
is a win-win situation for most
people
. And
that is
where the rightful social trend comes from.
Submitted by 18310971390 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear stance throughout and that you address all parts of the task. While you do provide a perspective, you should also consider counterarguments to create a more balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
Work on developing fully supported points by providing more specific examples and data to back up the arguments you make, as this can enhance your task achievement score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure to your essay, with well-organized paragraphs that each have a clear main idea and are linked with consistent use of cohesive devices. You could also improve the transitions between your points for better flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
In addition to your introduction and conclusion, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the rest of the paragraph supports this main point effectively. Doing so strengthens the coherence within and between your paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: