IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#dangers #people #habit #society
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The smoking habit is known as a devastating behaviour that occurs in work environments and educational institutions.
This
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 is caused by the common notion of
stress
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 reduction attributed to tobacco chemical substances among
the
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employees and a lack of parental guidance for their
children
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. Giving special taxes to the cigarette industry and making campaigns about the importance of parent's role in raising their kids are actions that can be taken. The main reason for cigarettes' high demand is the need for
stress
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 relievers and
parents
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' good parental
control
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 over their
children
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. The first reason
,
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 is the belief that reducing
stress
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 by nicotine in
smoke
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,
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apply
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 leads workers to consume
smoke
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 excessively. The second reason is the low level of parent’s
control
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, especially over their offspring, in school daily life and their friendship relationship.
As a result
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, smoking habits have been spurred up gradually over time by these factors. To
control
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 the prevalence of smoking habits, there are two main ways.
First,
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the government plays an important role by applying high customs to tobacco and cigarettes.
Thus
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, the
smoke
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 will become less affordable compared to workers' incomes.
This
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 may reduce the smoking habit by switching to several cheaper alternatives,
such
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 as going to the park or eating something delicious.
Second,
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massive campaigns on the
smoke
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 danger can be done to avert the generation of smoking habits, not only in the workplace but
also
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 in schools. In conclusion, these acts will reduce
smoke
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 consumption among workers and improve
parents
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'
control
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 over their
children
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.
To conclude
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, smoking activity is increasing because of the high demand for
stress
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 relievers and the low level of
parents
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'
control
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 over their
children
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. Several ways can be delivered in order to tackle these issues by applying high tariffs on tobacco and cigarette production.
Hence
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, massive campaigns
also
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 contributed to strengthening
parents
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' ability to ensure their
children
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's good development.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction presents a clear overview of the topics that will be discussed, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay without introducing new information. Both the introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened.
Logical Structure
Organize ideas logically, using clear linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs. While some structure is evident, there is a need for smoother transitions and clearer connections between ideas.
Supported Main Points
Elaborate on the main points with detailed support, using relevant examples that are fully developed. The essay partially addresses this, however, it lacks depth in the examples and could be more persuasive with specific, detailed support.
Complete Response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring a complete response to what is being asked. While the essay attempts to do this, it could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of the causes and a wider range of solutions.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Present ideas in a clear and comprehensive way, ensuring that your argument is easy to follow and understand. The essay contains clear ideas, but they require further development for better clarity.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Use specific and relevant examples to back up your points. Examples provided are somewhat generic; more detailed and personalized examples would improve the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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