IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Having more money and less time is better than earning less money and having more time Discuss both the view points and state your opinion

#money #time #points
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There is no denying the fact that
money
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 and
time
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 do not come together in general.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that having more
money
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 and less
time
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 is better, there is
also
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 an argument that prefers earning less
money
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 and having more
time
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, earning
money
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 is considered an easy process these days, there are various ways to collect
money
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due to
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 the Internet.
In other words
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, there are several resources to be rich; but at the same
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time
Add a comma
time,
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 you have to spend a lot of
time
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 to gather that
money
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.
Therefore
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, you will be rich with
money
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, not with
time
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.
In addition
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, people these days prefer to spend all their
time
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 trying to gather more
money
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.
For example
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, they will spend about 8-9 hours per day in order to earn
money
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.
On the other hand
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, people who prefer to have much
time
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 and less
money
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are seem
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to know the
time
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 value. It is
also
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 possible to say that having
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
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 means that they will not prefer to have a job because they believe that life is short and their
time
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 is limited, so they must live without any obligations.
For instance
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, having a full free day will let you practise your hobbies or spend some quality
time
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 with your family
instead
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 of being in a job. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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,
money
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 and
time
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 are precious and we must try to balance
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them in order to live a positive life.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph fully develops your argument. Consider elaborating further on each viewpoint with comprehensive analysis.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay. This will help in maintaining coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing the argument.
task achievement
Both viewpoints are acknowledged and discussed, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow the argument presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • financial security
  • life satisfaction
  • delegate tasks
  • financial resources
  • opportunities
  • mental and physical health
  • balanced life
  • emotional connections
  • personal growth
  • security and comfort
  • personal development
What to do next:
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