Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society

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Social networking

sites

for instance

Facebook

, are thought by some to have had a detrimental effect on individual

people

, society, and local

communities

However

while

such

sites

mainly benefit the individual, I agree that they have damaged local

communities

. Regarding

individuals

, online social media’s impact on each person has clear advantages.

Firstly

people

from different countries are brought together through

such

sites

Facebook

In contrast

, before the development of technology and social networking

sites

people

rarely had the chance to interact with or communicate with anyone outside their immediate circle or

community

Secondly

Facebook

also

has social groups that offer

individuals

a chance to meet and participate in discussions with

people

who share common interests.

On the other hand

, the effect that

Facebook

and other social networking

sites

have had on societies and local

communities

can only be seen as negative. Rather than

individuals

participating in their local

community

, they take more interest in

people

online.

Consequently

, the

people

within local

communities

are no longer forming close or supportive relationships.

For instance

, Seoul, South Korea, implemented an innovative initiative promoting local merchant discounts for residents who engaged in

community

initiatives.

Furthermore

, society is becoming increasingly disjointed and fragmented as

people

allocate time online with

people

, they have never met face to face and are unlikely ever to meet.

To conclude

although

social networking

sites

have brought

individuals

closer together, they have not had the same effect on society or local

communities

. Local

communities

should do more to involve local

people

in local activities to promote the future of

community

life.

Submitted by aamenis on Wed Jan 24 2024

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Introduction & Conclusion

Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position. You did well in this aspect, but further refining your introductory and concluding statements can enhance the persuasive impact of your essay.

Task Achievement

To improve your score in task achievement, ensure that each paragraph presents a clear, comprehensive idea that is directly related to the essay question. While your essay addresses the prompt effectively, incorporating a wider range of examples and deepening the analysis in some areas could strengthen your argument and enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. You've structured your essay well, with a logical progression from introduction through to conclusion. Enhancing transitional phrases and varying sentence structures can further improve the readability and flow of your essay.

Examples & Support

Incorporate specific, real-world examples to support your arguments wherever possible. While references to Seoul's initiative are excellent, adding more examples like this throughout your essay can make your arguments more convincing and nuanced.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

erosion
face-to-face
interactions
privacy concerns
data breaches
misinformation
polarize
cyberbullying
online harassment
procrastination
productivity
social isolation
dissemination
breeding ground
vast amounts
personal information
mental health

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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Today more and more tourists are visitin places where conditions are difficult , such as sahara desertor the Antartica. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the tourists who visit such places.

Now many big cities in the world are increasing in size. What are the problems associated with it? What are the solutions to these problems?

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, others think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both ways and give your opinion.

Traffic on roads has become a problem in nearly every country in the world. What can be done to reduce the amount of traffic at a society level and at an individual level?