Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
It is true that smartphones dominate lots of
time
for certain teenagers. There are various reasons why this
case takes place. In my opinion, it has both cons and pros.
There are two main reasons why young people use smartphones more often nowadays. Firstly
, there are an increasing number of daily occasions involving mobile phones
than in the past, including taking the metro, paying for meals as well as
downloading materials. It is obvious that the handphone has become a major part of our common lives. Secondly
, many engaging mobile games have been published with the development of the internet. They are designed to attract as many children as possible in order to earn money, which leads to the addiction to smartphones among younger generations.
On the one hand, digital phones
benefit students mentally. Since young folks are under a huge academic burden currently, they have to study all the time
. Entertainment is necessary for them to realise stress, in which the smartphone works efficiently. On the other hand
, young students may not have the ability to control themselves well when surfing online. They waste their valuable and limited time
playing digital games on phones
rather than sleeping. In this
case, their health is under threat, as well as
their academic performance because of the terrible physical statement.
In conclusion, the development of technology and entertainment methods resulted in the wide use of mobile phones
today. The moderation of our time
spent on this
modern production should be held because it has both positive and negative effects on young individuals' physical and mental health.Submitted by yuxinyun_2023 on
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task achievement
Overall, the essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve the score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that your ideas are more fully extended and supported with specific examples or evidence. Including more detailed illustrations of points can enhance clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the essay's coherence, work on creating a more seamless flow between ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases. Aim for a more sophisticated logical structure that guides the reader smoothly from one point to the next, avoiding abrupt or unclear transitions.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite