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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees?

#jobs #employers #employees
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In recent years, many jobs have become more stressful, and the working day has lengthened.
This
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 is
due to
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 several factors, including increased competition, technological advancements, and higher job demands. These pressures can negatively affect employees' mental and physical health, but employers can take steps to reduce
stress
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 and improve the
work
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 environment. One of the primary reasons for rising
stress
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 levels is the increased pressure to perform. As global competition intensifies, companies expect employees to meet higher targets and
work
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 longer
hours
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 to stay competitive.
Furthermore
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, the advancement of technology has blurred the line between
work
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 and personal life. With smartphones, emails, and instant messaging, many
workers
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 are expected to respond to
work
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-related tasks outside of office
hours
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, leading to burnout and exhaustion. Another contributing factor is the economic pressure many employees face. The rising cost of living has forced
workers
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 to take on additional responsibilities or
work
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 overtime to maintain their income.
This
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 can result in physical and emotional fatigue, as
workers
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 feel the need to constantly prove their value to employers. As job insecurity grows,
workers
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 may
also
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 feel compelled to
work
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 harder to avoid losing their positions, which can lead to
further
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stress
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. In conclusion, the combination of increased job demands, technological changes, and economic pressures has led to longer working
hours
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 and greater
stress
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 in many professions.
However
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, employers can help by offering flexible working
hours
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, providing mental health support, and promoting a better
work
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-life balance. These actions can significantly reduce
stress
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, improve employee well-being, and boost productivity in the workplace, benefiting both individuals and organizations in the long term.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Improvement
Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention a particular industry where employees experience high stress due to the reasons you've outlined.
Improvement
Consider expanding on how flexible working hours or other proposed solutions specifically alleviate stress – a deeper explanation could enhance your task achievement score.
Strength
The essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion that addresses the prompt effectively.
Strength
Each paragraph is well-developed and linked coherently to the overall argument.
Strength
Your ideas are expressed clearly and demonstrate an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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