IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays most of the parents are working which lead to harmful effects on their children. what are the causes and result.

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In
this
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 contemporary era, urbanisation and globalisation have increased at a fast pace which compelled
parents
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 to earn to fulfil their basic
life
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 needs and routine desires for their
children
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.
However
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,
this
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 leads to detrimental effects on the toddler's
life
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.
This
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 essay will
further
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 discuss the negative consequences and results. To commence with, it is a universal fact that to survive in
this
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 urban world in today's era both
parents
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 have to work full-time to carry out the living expenses and satisfy their basic
life
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 needs.
besides
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,
to implement
Change the verb form
implementing
show examples
 their
life
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 goals for their youngsters and
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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.
Moreover
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, another reason would strong modern belief of today's women to be a successful and independent, more ambiguous individual who have more freedom to pursue their desired lives. Nowadays, modern women no longer expect to spend all their time doing household chores.
For instance
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, one independent study about women's employment spoke louder as 70% of enrolment in every field has been noticed in the
last
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 decade which shows that every girl or woman wants to be a successful independent individual and companion in the current era. The most deleterious effect of ambitious guardians impose on their toddlers is psychological dysfunction development. Numerous studies on psychology and neuroscience have justified that neglecting
children
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 in their growing age may lead to detachment and insecurity towards the
parents
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 in future. The child may not be able to recognise attachments or social gatherings and may end up with a clingy relationship in the future. In most extreme cases, a psychopathic character might be formed. To demonstrate
this
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 point, serial killer Jeffery Dhamer did not get enough attention when they were kids.
Therefore
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,
children
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's cognitive growth is adversely affected if both guardians stay in a work environment. In conclusion, the reasons many
parents
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 are in round-the-clock employment are financial commitments and personal preferences.
As a result
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, lots of
children
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 worldwide possess defective personality traits. After thorough analysis, it is determined that the phenomenon in question is negative and should be adjusted in the near future.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is developed and supported throughout the paragraph. Avoid discussing multiple main ideas in one paragraph, as it can reduce clarity.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical format with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. While this structure is present, ensure each section seamlessly flows into the next with appropriate linking words or phrases to strengthen cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively. This includes conjunctions, lexical cohesion through word repetition for emphasis, and referencing to avoid redundancy.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. This includes discussing both the causes and effects of the issue at hand. In your response, you could elaborate more on the specific causes before connecting them to the effects on children.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas without overgeneralization. Providing more nuanced points and avoiding broad and unsupported statements will enhance the depth of your essay.
task achievement
Include more relevant specific examples to support your points. While an example is given, it is extreme and not fully relevant to the majority of cases where children are affected by working parents. Use examples that are representative of common situations.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income households
  • parental supervision
  • emotional neglect
  • behavioral issues
  • technology dependence
  • family bonding
  • irregular routines
  • academic support
  • compensatory behavior
  • materialism
  • over-gifting
  • independence
  • after-school programs
  • extended family
  • educational development
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