IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

#overpopulation #centers #world
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Population in many metropolitan
cities
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 in the world increases every
year
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. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that in urban
areas
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 there are a lot of
opportunities
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 for careers and a comfortable life and the solution to
this
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 issue is development in the
countryside
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. The number of
people
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 who move to urban
areas
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 from the
countryside
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 increases
year
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 on
year
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,
hence
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, urbanization is a major problem these days. In the cosmopolitan, there are a lot of big companies and
people
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 have more
opportunities
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 in their professional sphere.
For instance
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, the main offices of financial companies and banks are located in New York ,
hence
Linking Words
, the population of
cities
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 dramatically increases every
year
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, infrastructure in cosmopolitan
cities
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 develops better than in rural
areas
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, which means
people
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 can live in comfortable conditions. Many hospital centres are located in
cities
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, which means
people
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 can get good medical services. A solution is that the government should invest in infrastructure in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
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. By focusing on industry and career
opportunities
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 in the
countryside
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,
people
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 don't move to urban
areas
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.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, the construction of hospitals and schools with modern technologies is contributing to the
people
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 living in their
areas
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.
For example
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, main companies
such
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 as Google and Apple are located in the small city
Change preposition
of
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San Jose, which is located near San Francisco and every
year
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 a lot of IT workers and startuppers come from around the world.
Hence
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, In summary, nowadays urbanization is a major problem in the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
people
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 have more
opportunities
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 for their careers and comfortable lives. Progressing infrastructure in the
countryside
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 will be the best solution for
this
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 issue.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you have a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This sets the stage for what the reader can expect and provides a roadmap for your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make better use of paragraphing to create separation between different ideas. Each paragraph should center around one main idea. Your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion should be distinct and serve their unique purposes.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points further and provide more specific examples to support each point. Avoid general statements that do not substantiate your argument. Use data, studies, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points more concretely.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more naturally. This will help the reader follow your arguments with greater ease.
Task Achievement
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay succinctly and restates your thesis. In your current essay, the conclusion feels truncated and doesn't effectively tie up the discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure variety to keep your essay engaging. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate language control.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and correct use of punctuation throughout your essay. Mistakes in these areas can detract from the clarity of your communication.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Migration
  • Sustainable development
  • Infrastructure
  • Population density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Urban planning
  • Renewable energy
  • Family planning
  • Rural economies
  • Public transport
  • Living standards
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational facilities
  • Employment opportunities
  • Regulations
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