A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #money

The society has the standard to determine the value of a person based on their wealth. An individual is considered successful if they earn a lot of money.

Due to

a money-oriented society, that kind of mindset has emerged and I have to disagree with

this

statement.

First,

there is no actual parameter for people to be classified as successful. People have different targets in their lives,

for example

, able to travel to foreign countries, a huge house, become a president, and many more. It is impossible, in my opinion, to measure a person's value only based on currency, as it might not be what they are looking for. In my case, a paycheck has never been my ultimate goal from the start, I focused more on learning new skills and gaining interesting experiences as my objective.

However

, having a huge balance in the bank surely helps in one way or another.

Second,

having a huge number of cash does not necessarily bring happiness. It has been quite trending recently where individuals are looking for happiness rather than just some currency. Happiness comes in plenty of forms, it includes games, cars, make-up, etc. These small exciting things are what folks nowadays looking for.

In addition

to that, there are some examples where the executives are not happy with their high-paying jobs.

Thus

, they leave the enterprise and pursue their dream, something they are fond of. In summary, I disagree that cash is something that would make someone qualified as wealthy because wealth could differ from one human being to another.

Therefore

, it is important for us to change

this

way of thinking and start a mindset

that is

more focused the deep-lying desire.

Submitted by mikeasad on Tue Jan 30 2024

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task achievement

Develop the main points more fully with relevant examples. While you have presented your disagreement well, citing specific instances or studies would strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating more logical connectors and transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Consider restating the topic and your position in the conclusion to reinforce the message of your essay. It's good practice to summarize your key points briefly in the conclusion and ensure it mirrors your introduction.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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