in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
The debate surrounding the migration of those living in suburbs to
cities
has sparked considerable controversy. While
some assume this
notion is beneficial to society, I highly regard it as a negative development due to
the reasons this
essay further
elaborates on.
One major drawback of this
phenomenon is the rise in major cities
' population. This
surge often exacerbates cities
' air pollution due to
the greater use of personal vehicles and thus
, more toxic gas emissions. Additionally
, with more vehicles on the roads, residents suffer from traffic jams and bottlenecks more often. Subsequently
, they would experience frustration during pick hours, coupled with
lateness to their desired destination, eventually harming people
's peace of mind. Take Tehran, the capital city of Iran, as an example; where many people
from the countryside moved there, seeking better job vacancies. Meanwhile, the government recorded a significant decline in Tehran's air quality, together with
more public complaints of traffic congestion at the time, highlighting the detrimental impacts of their migration.
The devastating outcomes of this
migration go beyond overpopulation in cities
and come to societies' disadvantage by demolishing their cultural heritage. This
is mainly because rural people
typically hold traditional practices
, and with fewer individuals being aware of them, they gradually fade away. In addition
, these practices
incorporate occupations such
as agriculture. With being less practised, the country would experience a drawback in food supplies, the majority of which rely heavily on agricultural operations. Moreover
, local markets in the countryside would come into a recession, ultimately upsetting the country's economic status. To illustrate, once individuals from a specific village in France moved to Paris, the governors declared a massive drop in residents' awareness of their ancient ways of life and that with traditional practices
being diminished, the country found it hard to provide adequate food resources.
To conclude
, although
some believe this
notion brings communities benefits, I subscribe to the fact that, for the most part, it is detrimental to society. In fact, it not only makes people
experience a more hectic life but also
diminishes the crucial ancient practices
that the society takes pride in and economic advantage from.Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument and supports it with relevant examples. However, some of the sentences are complex and could be simplified for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some ideas seem somewhat abruptly introduced or concluded. Using more transitional phrases could help improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Try to reduce minor grammatical and vocabulary errors, which are present but do not obscure the meaning of the sentences.
task achievement
The essay provides strong examples to support the main points, such as the references to Tehran and France. This strengthens the argument significantly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and effectively summarize the argument, providing a strong sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is solid, with a clear delineation of main points and supporting arguments.
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