IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that large international sporting events only brings drawbacks, and that it is not worth hosting them. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, there is an opinion that big
sports
Use synonyms
 tournaments are highly disadvantageous for countries where they are held.
However
Linking Words
, I totally disagree with
this
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 view, as these competitions make
people
Use synonyms
 closer to each other and promote tourism
to
Change preposition
in
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 a
hosting
Replace the word
host
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country
Use synonyms
. The main reason why I believe that
world
Use synonyms
 championships are important for hosts is because it raises
people
Use synonyms
’s unity and may even make them leave their conflicts for some time.
For instance
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, during the
World
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 Cup in Russia, the whole
country
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 turned into
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 territory, where
people
Use synonyms
 would forget about their disagreements and get together to support their team. Usually, when
such
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 events take place abroad, for many, a vast majority of
people
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 cannot afford to travel to cheer for their national athletes.
However
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, when sportsmen compete at home, the cost of attendance is significantly lower.
Therefore
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, more
people
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 can see it in real life and feel the atmosphere of a
sports
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 fest, which urges viewers to stay in peace and celebrate. Another reason to claim that global
sports
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 competitions are beneficial for their hosts is because
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 present the
country
Use synonyms
 to the
world
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 and international fans popularize it. It happens mainly
due to
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 the fact that authorities allocate special funds to improve local tourist and
sports
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 infrastructure and encourage the population to be welcoming via different media channels.
Consequently
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, after foreigners
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 a chance to discover
completely
Correct article usage
a completely
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 rebuilt environment
along with
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 smiling and friendly
people
Use synonyms
, they come back home and
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
their friends to visit
this
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 venue.
For instance
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, the quantity of tourists to Russia has tripled since it hosted the Winter Olympics and the FIFA
World
Use synonyms
 Cup. In conclusion, in my opinion,
world
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sports
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 competitions are of utmost importance for their hosts, because
this
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 way they can get their
country
Use synonyms
 to be advertised globally and ease internal conflicts and dissatisfaction among locals.

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task achievement
Maintain a clear position throughout the response. You've managed this well by stating your disagreement in the introduction and reinforcing it throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to organize ideas clearly. While you have achieved logical structure, introducing more variety could enhance this.
coherence cohesion
Include a richer variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range, while remaining clear and error-free.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, succinctly summarize the arguments presented instead of introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Support main points with relevant details and develop them further for a higher score; the use of specific examples is good but can be even more detailed.
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