IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #year #school #university #travel #work #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In our developing society, more and more teenagers tend to have a break after leaving school in order to enhance their outlook and challenge themselves in working experiences.
Although
Linking Words
 there could be a few drawbacks to
this
Linking Words
 trend, I strongly believe that the benefits can outweigh them.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, getting ample social and working skills plays a pivotal role in studying at university in the later part of teens' lives. To take an example from my point, there is a system in the USA which enables young people to explore the world and improve the above-mentioned skills before choosing their ways of life and professions. With the help of
this
Linking Words
 chance, school-leavers are learning other countries' traditions, history, and lifestyles
as well as
Linking Words
 enlarging their social circles by interacting with natives, making friends and practising as a labour force. Another benefit is that they can unwind sightseeing, historical places and monuments
as well as
Linking Words
 discover new goals. When it comes to its disadvantages, during
this
Linking Words
 period, students might come across some difficulties
such
Linking Words
 as socialising with their peers, adopting other zones and feeling isolated and homesick living far from their families.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most of them may lose their interest in studying
due to
Linking Words
 an academic gap. Namely, they can be addicted to earning money
instead
Linking Words
 of carrying on their higher education.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, they can remain wherever they are working more than the appointed time and contribute to the development of the country by acquiring citizenship. In conclusion, in spite of its demerits, from my perspective, it is vitally important for younger generations to take a year off after graduating from school.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure you address all aspects of the prompt. Expand on the disadvantages you've presented with more depth and specificity to balance the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion, create clearer links between your ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices effectively to bring more clarity to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: