IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to their studies in school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

#children #attention #studies #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education is the key to becoming successful in life,
however
, most of the
students
 find it difficult to concentrate on studying at school.
Although
 they feel distracted, there are a lot of courses that
students
 need to cover, and I will discuss possible solutions for improving their concentration in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, the main reason that the
students
 are unable to attention to study is that they feel fear because of the extra syllabus as they feel they are unable to finish on
time
.
For instance
, most learners prefer to complete topics which are easy as
otherwise
 they feel a stress on mind to finish it.
Secondly
, children love to spend
time
 on the internet where they play video games up to late at night which is the main distraction as they are unable to get proper sleep
due to
 which they have lack of energy to focus on their studies. The prominent solution for improving the curiosity of
students
 towards their studies is that they make proper
time
 for sleep which helps for the proper functioning of the brain. Elders have to make strict rules regarding the playing
time
 of the kids so they get enough
time
 to complete the homework
as well as
 get
time
 to revise class work.
To conclude
, children want to play video games most of the
time
 which is the main cause that they do not like studying,
whereas
, their parents should make strict rules to limit their play
time
 so they can focus better on education.
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph clearly introduces its main idea and follows logically from the one before it. Try using linking words and phrases to help your paragraphs flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that more clearly paraphrases the question and a stronger conclusion that summarises the main points and restates your position.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific, detailed, and relevant examples or explanations to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
To improve clarity, ensure all your ideas are explained comprehensively with clear reasoning and use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Concentration
  • Engagement
  • Curriculum
  • Attention span
  • Learning disorders
  • Interactive learning
  • Personalized learning
  • Supportive learning environment
  • Mental health
  • Organizational skills
  • Educational policy
  • Mindfulness
  • Screen time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: