IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It has been pointed out that exercise infrastructure is getting easier to access by every single person nowadays, while people's daily routine is becoming less active. Personally, this disgraceful situation will cause devastating health detriments to individuals, and employers should conduct measures to tackle this issue.

First of all, a sedentary lifestyle will bring serious physical issues to every single person.
This
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 is because participating in physical activities can boost the immune system and build a strong body, which lowers the risk of catching several illnesses,
such
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 as obesity and diabetes.
By contrast
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, those who rarely
work
Use synonyms
 out in their daily lives are much more likely to catch various diseases,
thus
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 impairing their physical well-being.
For instance
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, a majority of office workers who
work
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 in famous accounting firms complain that
although
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 gyms or sports facilities are more common nowadays than they were in the past, they seldom have free time to
work
Use synonyms
 out
due to
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 their busy working lives.
As a result
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 of
this
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 trend, they are suffering from digestive issues and insomnia now.
Furthermore
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, every organisation should carry on various programmes to change the bad life habits. The reason is that a significant proportion of people have a job now, and if their firms launch campaigns or incentive programmes to raise their staff's awareness of the drawbacks of sedentary lifestyles, the effect will be huge. As an illustration, a senior executive working in an investment bank in New York says that their physical condition is much better than it
was
Punctuation problem
was,
show examples
 as their company has been distributing a free gym membership card to every worker since 2023, which encourages them to do some exercise during their lunch breaks or after
work
Use synonyms
, leading to good health conditions. In conclusion,
although
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 people may vary in their opinion on what problems will be brought by an inactive lifestyle and how to deal with the issues, I am of the opinion that
this
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 appalling circumstance has negative effects on physical well-being, and companies ought to take action to solve
this
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 problem.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first line and restate it in the end.
coherence
Put each idea in one part. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add a fact or idea and an example.
coherence
Use linking words like also, but, so, therefore to guide the reader.
grammar
Keep easy words and short sentences. Check for grammar and cut long sentences.
examples
Give more exact and real examples that fit the point.
strength
The writing shows a clear aim and a view the writer wants to push.
strength
There are some easy examples that help the point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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