Some children spend hours everyday in their smartphone. why is this the case? do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

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The advancement of technology has contributed greatly to our daily lives,

thus

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, smartphones can not be detached from people.

Therefore

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, the phenomenon of youngsters who spend their time using

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

every day has been a common occurrence nowadays. From my standpoint,

this

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is a negative development

due to

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a surge in allowance, the rise of antisocial behaviour, and an increased case of online crimes. One prominent problem is an increase in allowance given to children by parents.

For instance

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, children who use mobile phones frequently will need additional spending on quota, wifi, and maintenance.

This

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is common knowledge that

this

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extra spending will cost a lot, especially if they are addicted to games. Games most of the time are pressuring them to buy certain things to accommodate the playing experience. In the end, parents are burdened to provide extra when it comes to money.

Secondly

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, another issue is youngsters will become isolated from the real world.

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, they will become addicted to smartphones and will always try to be up-to-date with the digital world.

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, they will not meet their friends face-to-face and play with them directly. They opt for a more convenient activity through social media.

Therefore

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this

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will increase antisocial behaviour.

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, the most fatal downside is an increasing case of digital crimes,

such

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as online sexual harassment, grooming, and cyberbullying. The digital sphere is huge and individuals are able to use fake identities to operate there.

Moreover

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this

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occurrence is massive and foreseeable.

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, a minor who does not know the term "consent" will likely see the act of vulgar words made by an adult through chat as an endearing act.

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, they become the victims of paedophiles without knowing they are victims. In conclusion, the activity of using smartphones by children creates a disturbance in society with various drawbacks.

Hence

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, I believe that

this

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is not a positive development.

alyarachmadivaaFri Feb 02 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your task achievement score, ensure that you provide more specific examples to support your main points. While the overall response to the question is complete, incorporating detailed and relevant illustrations can enhance the effectiveness of your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, but to elevate your score further, consider creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Employ a variety of transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument in a more seamless fashion.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

316 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Engrossed
Distracted
Addictive
Digital natives
Virtual reality
Interactive
Online gaming
Social media platforms
Connectivity
Social engagement
Information access
Learning tools
Peer influence
Societal pressure
Alternative activities
Recreational facilities

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