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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation. why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

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Currently, many individuals opt to run their own
businesses
Use synonyms
instead
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 of working for a particular organization. From my point of view,
this
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 viewpoint may be a negative trend, which provides some drawbacks. The major reason why folks prefer to be self-employed rather than to work for a certain company is that the income that they obtain from doing a routine job is not enough. To illustrate, in Thailand, the minimum rate of salaries for those who have a bachelor's degree is 15,000 baths per month.
As a result
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, a lot of people who have recently graduated from universities
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 to be self-employed.
Furthermore
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, many people would not like to encounter the awful working atmosphere.
In other words
Linking Words
, some office workers can not be tolerant of
unfavourable
Correct article usage
the unfavourable
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of their bosses and co-workers.
As a consequence
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, they decided to resign and begin to run their own
businesses
Use synonyms
. One of the obvious disadvantages of being self-employed is that business owners must address numerous hardships by themselves. In simple terms, if they face any problems, they have to find solutions to tackle those issues by themselves. On top of that, business owners still have some expenditures even if their
businesses
Use synonyms
 experience a financial loss.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,
although
Linking Words
 their
businesses
Use synonyms
 do not have profits, they still have to pay for their employees, raw materials, and even the rent in some cases. To summarize, there are numerous reasons why people presently choose to run
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own
businesses
Use synonyms
 rather than doing a routine job, and
this
Linking Words
 trend may offer some disadvantages.

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specific examples
Consider strengthening your essay by providing more detailed and varied examples to better support your main points.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are essential for framing your essay. Make your conclusion more impactful by summarizing your key points more clearly and stating your personal stance more definitively.
balanced exploration
Remember to maintain a balance between describing the reasons for a trend and its disadvantages. Explore both aspects with equal depth to provide a well-rounded response.
clarity reasons
You've done a great job outlining clear reasons for the trend towards self-employment.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is commendable. Your points are well-organized and lead nicely from one to the next.
real world examples
Your use of real-world examples, like the salary situation in Thailand, helps ground your argument and make it more relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
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