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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued by some
people
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 that
music
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 is a good way of bringing
people
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 of different cultures and ages together.
Although
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,
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apply
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some
people
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 might disagree with
this
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 statement, I completely agree with
this
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 notion, not only because it brings the public together and shows expression but
also
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 because of its health benefits.
This
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 essay will explore how these factors justify my opinion.
Firstly
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,the predominant reason that compelled me to agree with
this
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 statement is that
music
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 plays a crucial role in our lives.
For example
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, there are a lot of
music
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 artists. Those play different kinds of
music
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such
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 as hip hop,traditional etc. Sometimes young and old ages have different tastes in
music
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.
While
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 sometimes it may be the same it is a very critical condition. When they have the same feelings they attract each other in the sense of humankind.
Thus
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,
this
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 factor can almost single-handedly express my opinion.
Secondly
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, the additional compelling to support my opinion is that
music
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 contains a lot of health benefits.
For instance
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,
last
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 year researchers researched two
people
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. One who listens to
music
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 and the other one who
not
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does not
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 listen.
According to
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 that research, the man who listens to
music
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 is more relaxed than the other ones.
According to
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 Dawn News
music
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 helps a lot to reduce public stress, and anxiety levels or cool down their brain.
Hence
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,
this
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 factor can clearly justify my judgment.
Finally
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, another considerable reason is through the
music
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 public
also
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 shares their feelings or expressions.
For example
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, if someone wants to propose to anyone through
music
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 he shares their expression or if they want to show him that he is angry with him
then
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 he can
also
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 send
music
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 to him.
To conclude
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,I believe that I completely agree with
this
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 statement not only because of public argument and show expression but
also
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 because of its benefits.

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, it is essential that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task and presents ideas that are directly relevant to the question. Aim to develop your main points further and provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Make sure that the examples are directly tied to the topic and clearly support your viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, you must ensure that your essay flows logically from one idea to the next. Using appropriate linking phrases and cohesive devices can strengthen the connection between your ideas. Moreover, try to avoid overly broad statements and focus on providing a more in-depth analysis of each point you make to ensure a logical progression throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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