In many country, people have health problems because they choose to live in an unhealthy way. Why do you think that people choose to live in an unhealthy way. What can be done about this problem.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The issue of
people
Use synonyms
's health
due to
Linking Words
bad
lifestyle
Use synonyms
is a common occurrence in most countries. In my opinion, the implementation of an unhealthy life is caused by a fast-paced society and the expensive price of
this
Linking Words
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. There are
also
Linking Words
several factors which could contribute to solving
this
Linking Words
issue. One prominent factor which causes individuals to live unhealthily is
due to
Linking Words
the pressure of a fast-paced society. It is evident in big cities where
people
Use synonyms
are forced to do everything all at once in 24 hours without a proper break to restart.
For instance
Linking Words
, from the early morning until noon, they had to go to work or school 5 days a week,
while
Linking Words
, and often they found themselves stuck in traffic. Sometimes they arrive home very late at night without much energy,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, they have to do work or school tasks.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
tend to experience a lack of sleep and eat fast food.
Next,
Linking Words
the cost of living the healthy way is expensive, most
people
Use synonyms
can not afford that.
For instance
Linking Words
, the price of clean food, gym membership, and all the equipment that supports a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
is pricy.
However
Linking Words
, there are several things that can be done to mitigate
this
Linking Words
problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, raising awareness about the importance of healthy living.
This
Linking Words
can be done through utilizing the advancement of technology.
For example
Linking Words
, an online campaign about not eating junk food for 7 weeks or a digital infographic about the dangerous effects of not exercising daily.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the concern about the high cost of
this
Linking Words
type of living really needs the
government
Use synonyms
's attention. The
government
Use synonyms
plays an important role in making sure that
this
Linking Words
lifestyle
Use synonyms
is accessible to all regardless of their socio-economic status.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
could give subsidies to gym membership or provide public spaces which can accommodate exercise activities.
To sum up
Linking Words
, raising awareness about the good impact of living the healthy way and the
government
Use synonyms
's role in making
this
Linking Words
inclusive are fundamental factors in solving the issue. There are other reasons behind individuals' preference for in leading an unhealthy way.
Submitted by alyarachmadivaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should paraphrase the task and outline your position. Your conclusion should summarize your main points without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully and provide more specific examples to support your arguments. You mentioned the effects of a fast-paced society and the high cost of healthy living, but the connection to the thesis could be stronger with more detailed examples and explanation.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs. This includes conjunctions, pronouns, and synonyms, to ensure variety and sophistication in language. While you have demonstrated this to some extent, more variety could enhance the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Expand upon your reasons and solutions by giving clear, real-world examples. This could include statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence that specifically relates to the points you are trying to make.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Consequences
  • Convenience
  • Aggressive marketing campaigns
  • Taste preferences
  • Coping mechanism
  • Emotional eating
  • Economic factors
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Educational campaigns
  • Regulating advertising
  • Community programs
  • Physical activities
  • Accessibility
  • Affordability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: