In many country, people have health problems because they choose to live in an unhealthy way. Why do you think that people choose to live in an unhealthy way. What can be done about this problem.
The issue of
people
's health due to
bad lifestyle
is a common occurrence in most countries. In my opinion, the implementation of an unhealthy life is caused by a fast-paced society and the expensive price of this
lifestyle
. There are also
several factors which could contribute to solving this
issue.
One prominent factor which causes individuals to live unhealthily is due to
the pressure of a fast-paced society. It is evident in big cities where people
are forced to do everything all at once in 24 hours without a proper break to restart. For instance
, from the early morning until noon, they had to go to work or school 5 days a week, while
, and often they found themselves stuck in traffic. Sometimes they arrive home very late at night without much energy, on the other hand
, they have to do work or school tasks. Therefore
, people
tend to experience a lack of sleep and eat fast food. Next,
the cost of living the healthy way is expensive, most people
can not afford that. For instance
, the price of clean food, gym membership, and all the equipment that supports a healthy lifestyle
is pricy.
However
, there are several things that can be done to mitigate this
problem. Firstly
, raising awareness about the importance of healthy living. This
can be done through utilizing the advancement of technology. For example
, an online campaign about not eating junk food for 7 weeks or a digital infographic about the dangerous effects of not exercising daily. Secondly
, the concern about the high cost of this
type of living really needs the government
's attention. The government
plays an important role in making sure that this
lifestyle
is accessible to all regardless of their socio-economic status. For instance
, the government
could give subsidies to gym membership or provide public spaces which can accommodate exercise activities.
To sum up
, raising awareness about the good impact of living the healthy way and the government
's role in making this
inclusive are fundamental factors in solving the issue. There are other reasons behind individuals' preference for in leading an unhealthy way.Submitted by alyarachmadivaa on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should paraphrase the task and outline your position. Your conclusion should summarize your main points without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully and provide more specific examples to support your arguments. You mentioned the effects of a fast-paced society and the high cost of healthy living, but the connection to the thesis could be stronger with more detailed examples and explanation.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs. This includes conjunctions, pronouns, and synonyms, to ensure variety and sophistication in language. While you have demonstrated this to some extent, more variety could enhance the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Expand upon your reasons and solutions by giving clear, real-world examples. This could include statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence that specifically relates to the points you are trying to make.