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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?

Some
people
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 argue that
children
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 aged zero to six should stay at home with their parents without attending any
school
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.
On the other hand
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, others believe that there are many advantages to going to
school
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 at an early age. I am convinced that
children
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 should go to
school
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 when they are very young, as it contributes not only to
boosting
Change the form of the verb
boost
show examples
 their health
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 to the development of their social skills.
Firstly
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, when
children
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 are born, the correct development of their immune system depends on the interactions they have with the external environment. Studies have indicated that, if babies are not exposed to contact with external
people
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, including other
children
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, they are more likely to experience health issues during adulthood.
For instance
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, recent research by San Raffaele University, based on 20,000 participants, shows that the incidence of pneumonia in adults who did not attend
school
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 when they were
children
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, is 15% higher than in those who went to kindergarten.
Secondly
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, one of the most important human characteristics is interpersonal skills.
Although
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 it could be considered by many
people
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 as a natural trait, it has been widely demonstrated that emotional intelligence and relational skills are well developed in adults only if they are trained from the earliest stages of life.
Moreover
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, a recent article in Focus (a scientific magazine) highlighted that the most important factor is the relationship with peers, which helps babies to develop positive behaviours and psychological balance from the beginning.
Consequently
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, even if some
people
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 consider family the best place for a child during the first phase of life, I believe that the positive aspects of attending
school
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 from the earliest stages –
such
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 as improved physical and mental health - clearly justify
this
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 opportunity.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Include a more detailed conclusion to summarize and strengthen your points.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples or explanations for your second main point to make it stronger.
Task Achievement
You have provided clear examples to support your main points, which is great!
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure, with an introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • peer interaction
  • academic foundation
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • structured environment
  • discipline
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • diversity
  • perspectives
  • acceptance
  • educational resources
  • extracurricular activities
  • learning experience
  • early identification
  • learning disabilities
  • intervention
  • support
  • assistance
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